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Posts by Rocomo
Joined: Dec 11, 2011
Last Post: Dec 23, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 6  
From: Windhoek

Displayed posts: 8
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Rocomo   
Dec 14, 2011
Undergraduate / 'from Bangladesh' + 'Sociology' + 'Life in Namibia' - NYU supplement [9]

HIII!!! Please help with my supplement essays. Be as critical as you want! I'm REALLY hopeful on NYU so any help will be much appreciated! THANK YOU!!!

Why NYU?

Although I can't remember much from when I lived in New York City at the age of 7, there is one thing I can never forget, seeing 'NYU'. As a new comer from Bangladesh, I was awestruck by the vibrant and bustling city. As my mother guided me through the intricate streets and avenues, I was content aimlessly following her through the city with my packet of roasted peanuts, inhaling every bit of the city life. As we walked through the streets, bright violet purple banners began appearing with the image of the Statue of Liberty's torch and the boldly stated letters 'NYU'. As we sat in Washington Square Park, my mother explained the meaning of NYU and after that, I just remember wishing I could remain there for as long as time would allow me. Even though I left New York after 3 years, as I grew older and began looking deeper into places where I could further my education, there was no doubt in my mind that NYU was where I wanted to grow, where I wanted to return, where I belonged. NYU is not only recommended as one of the world's best educational institutions, NYU melts together an eclectic group of knowledgeable students while maintaining their originality. With an outstanding faculty, a diverse group of students, a great athletic department, plenty of opportunities within the city and a 'Global Network University', NYU is the perfect choice for any student with ambitions and be rest assured that they will accomplish more than they set out for. The 7 year old me had made a promise to my mother when she asked me when I'm older, to walk the streets of New York City as an NYU student. And now I'm here to fulfill those wishes.

Regardless of whether or not you have an intended major or concentration, please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice.

Sociology was a very vague topic to me before; however after discovering the Sociology department in NYU's New York campus, I knew that I was meant to be there. I was initially introduced to sociology from following my mother into the UNICEF office after the end of every school day from a very young age. Even now, I listen to her, intrigued, every time she explains the significance of gender and family issues, social theory and policy, and the role of welfare and education in societies. My interest in sociology was emphasized further through my love for history and the evaluation of literature in school. My eyes were opened to the history of cultures and societies as well as the historical development of human society. I touched on different modes of living, various stages of past social cultures through historical analysis and studies of ancient customs of living. Also through works such as 'Raisin in the Sun', 'Letter From a Birmingham Jail', 'Les Miserables' and others mirrored the result of politics, society, economics, human behavior and condition in the given time and place. Ranked as one of the top 15 U.S universities for sociology, I feel that by studying at NYU's New York campus, I will receive the tools I require to develop my understanding of various aspects of sociology. Not only is New York City a rich cultural and social environment, NYU allows me to broaden my knowledge by allowing me the freedom to experiment with various subjects. NYU's diverse methods of study, modern research techniques, and a faculty consisting of experts from areas of law to social policy, my desires to makes sense of the world around me will not only be satisfied but also stimulate me to learn about issues from a variety of perspectives.

What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

Living in Namibia for over 6 years, Namibia's coastal line from the 2 minor cities, Swakopmund to Walvis Bay, never fails to fascinate me. Namibia has an area of 824, 292 sq km and of this, a distance of 19 miles is enough to take your breath away. As you drive from one city to the other, you get engulfed by the beauty of the perfectly sculpted sand dunes and the salty cold waves of the raging Atlantic ocean joining together to present a view that only seems possible in a painter's wildest imagination. The natural beauty queens compete for attention as you drive down the thin strip of tar. I always wondered how, on one side, stood the simplistic and pure sand dunes created from the softest of sand, each dune of a different size and form placed perfectly on the giant's sandbox. And on the other side, a wave of blinding, light blue crystals crashed onto the shore and used her charm to pull everything back into her realm. Every year, I return to this strip of serenity and allow all my troubles to be washed away by the currents and cleansed by the every single grain of sand. The fighting waves of the sea remind me of my battles, and the mountains of sand of every obstacle I need to overcome, which fuse together to create a beautiful journey and deliver me to my final destination.
Rocomo   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / 'interdisciplinary nature of the curriculum' - Why the College Of Wooster? [4]

The last bit is really funny and I think it'll definately put a smile on the face if the person reviewing your admission.

As far as I know about College of Wooster, don't they want a 'diverse community of stedent learners', and the fact that you're from the UK and would be an international student does show that right??? You should mention you're an international student and say you'd like to be part of a diverse student body and want to explore a new area/location (basically why you'd rather go to wooster than anywhere in the UK).

I feel your sentences are really long. Although broken up with semi colons and other punctuation, you could put full stops in a few places such as:

Early in my college search I learned that I wanted to study at a liberal arts college. Collaboration between faculty and undergraduate students, a sense of community, and the flexible, interdisciplinary nature of the curriculum are all important to me. Wooster offers all this and more. High quality education and a prestigious independent study program coupled with a diverse community of dedicated people who love to learn all nestled up in rural Ohio.

The short sentences, specially 'Wooster offers all this and more' will stay in the persons mind.

Hope this helped!
Rocomo   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / Life in a Travel Trailer - Common App Essay for Wash U in St. Louis [3]

The ending is REALLY SWEET! i finished this essay with a smile on my face.

I have a few suggestions on the essay though.

It was always the tiny, insignificant details that impactedeffected me the most, and some nights I would end up in a sleepless state of tears and frustration. But I lived with this experience, and I learned from it. In the past five years, no one could have pointed to me and said, "You see that girl right there? She doesn't live in a house. Every day she goes home to a run-down, 1970s travel trailer that she and her parents live in." Sure, I seemed mostly normal, but doesn't everyone have something they're not telling?I LOVE THIS SENTENCE! great way to end of the paragraph.

The summer before I went into seventh grade, my family moved from Oklahoma to Arkansas with plans of building the house my parents had been designing for years. Unfortunately, our old house didn't sell, and we didn't have the money to build. We had to settle for something a little cheaper. "It's only temporary," I told my twelve-year-old self, with just a hint of excitement. After all, it would be just like a more luxurious version of camping, right?

WRONG. Strong winds made the trailer sway ever so slightly and the roof would leak during heavy rains. In the winter, the heater battled with the cold due to the lack of insulation, and in the summer, it was hotter inside than out. My "bedroom" consisted of a very tiny area elevated over where the trailer would hitch to a truck. The entire space in my room was composed of two smaller-than-twin beds with about three feet of floor space between them. There was no door of any kind. At age twelve, I could stand up straight in my room with my head just barely grazing the ceiling. As I grew, I adapted to leaning over.

From age twelve to seventeen, I grew up and changed there This sentence seems a bit strange. Changed how? Changed your personality? Changed your perspective on life? Changed to be a better person? . While all of my friends had the much-needed privacy of a teenage girl, I had to manageMaybe you should explain how you managed...so if it's had the much needed privacy of a teenage girl, I couldn't even (just as an example) dance around in my room listening to Justin Beiber blasting through the speakers of the radio. This is just an example...you'll need to tweak it to fit your situation . I did my homework on my bed, and I avoided the subject of my homeconversations concerning my home at all costs. I would frequently dream of houses, and my jealousy always got the best of me. Maybe add a biiiit more description of the definition of 'dream houses' for you. Maybe 'dream of houses back a back yard, the ideal white picket fences...i don't know..

Sometimes I felt unappreciative of what I did have, but most of the time I was embarrassed Rephrase the sentence, 'I was embarrassed, and sometimes even unappreciative of what I already have . I just wanted to have a normal home life as I grew up, and I felt like I was being deprived of that. After a while, I stopped thinking about our new house being finished. Things between my family and I just weren't the same. They were tired, and I was left completely and utterly numb.

I came out of this experience with a different view on life. I am stronger now, and I can finally recognize the worth of the things that we so frequently take for granted. Never again will I ever see something so wonderful and simple as a home in the same way. And I will not judge people similarly, either. You can make generalizations about people and think you know them, but do you? Never assume certain things about a person because of what you see on the outside. How could you possibly know the details of their life?

I am changed. I am strong. I look forward to my future. And I look forward to the first Christmas in six years where we can finally have room for a Christmas tree.

Also, since you are presenting an evolution into a better person, maybe before your last 2 paragraphs, you should also talk about the positive outcomes of your situation.

And also, the fact that you mention the trailer as a 'home' instead of a 'house' or 'accomodation' means that it means more to you than just a place you're living in. Is that what you wanted to portray??? if yes then great...if not than you might want ot change the choice of language.

Hope this helped!
Rocomo   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / "Watson, tell me what you see?" - CommonApp essay [4]

This is my common application essay. Sending this to NYU, Smith college, Bates college, and Drew University. Please be as CRITICAL as you want. Any suggestions will be VERYY USEFUL!!! THANK YOU!!!

"Watson, tell me what you see?"

Confused, I lift my head from my book, placed on the wooden library table. There was no one here earlier. Had I been asleep for that long? I looked up at the wall-clock in front of me. Time had stopped. The second hand didn't tick, the minute hand had been stuck at 59 and the hour hand froze before striking twelve.

"Observe Watson. What can you gather from this humdrum entity?"

I turned my head sharply to the sound of the unfamiliar voice. I saw two, tall men. One was wearing a deerstalker hat, lighting his pipe made out of calabash with an expression of alertness, while the other, strongly built with a small mustache, rubbed his chin and stared at the object with great intensity. As realization came over me, I couldn't believe my eyes. Was it really detective Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson! I attempted to call out to them but my left cheek was still numb from lying on it. What were they looking at? My schoolbag? What could they possibly find out from my schoolbag? I continued watching them as they immersed in their inspection and conversation.

Mr. Holmes kneeled and, with no sense of professionalism, unzipped my bag to start looking through its contents. Watson concluded, while scratching his temple, "Seems like some sort of transportation device, for heavy materials; perfect explanation for its lack of symmetry. Used quite often as it's completely pummeled. And it belongs to someone I suppose."

Mr. Holmes stands up and dramatically raises his head, almost as if sniffing the answer in the libraries cool air. "Perhaps, 'bag' is the remark you are looking for Watson", he says, patting Watson on the shoulder. "A bag, yes. Most likely belonging to a scholar, a young scholar. Various academic interests. Possibly artistic. A great fan of sport, especially soccer. Enthusiastic and flamboyant if I may add. Constantly moving due to compulsion, but nonetheless enjoys it. Dependable and caring, yet straightforward. Good qualities but still human."

"And you figured out ALL this just from looking at his bag?"

"Not a chap my dear Watson, we are inspecting the belongings of a lady. I shall explain. Notice the variation of your 'heavy materials' in her bag. Presumably textbooks, on symbols, mechanics, potions and history along with English literature and French. And on the compartment zipper, there, dangling- miniature rickshaw, statue of liberty and a Namibian number plate- A constant reminder of the country she's from and the places she's grown up. Also, look at all the scribbles on the sac; always occupied and lets her imagination run wild. Badges, 'President: Student Council' and 'Captain: Inter-school house team'. And the extra bag inside? Precisely, soccer cleats and armband, Captain of the soccer team I suppose. Here, the perfect proof of her confidence, a speech to be delivered at her next seminary gathering. A schedule, organized, nonetheless forgetful, also as the stapler and box of band-aids are empty. Delightful, a box of chocolates! Someone's got a sweet tooth, but not all for her, to share. See Watson, it's quite simple; she's ambitions but still grounded. Honestly, if I'd met her I could tell you more.

Watson begins to clap his hands. "You're brilliant Sherlock. Excellent!"

"Elementary. You know my methods Watson. Nevertheless, let us carry on, I must find that book on..." and his voice trailed off.

The clock starts ticking again. And realizing that I was alone once again with a few minutes to spare before my next class, I put my head back down onto page 143 of the 'Sherlock Holmes' novels.
Rocomo   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / "Watson, tell me what you see?" - CommonApp essay [4]

Haha thank you :)
it's the 'Topic of your choice' option...I couldn' think of what to write for the other options...

By the way...I was wondering...where I mention the books...do you think it's ok if I list them as 'symbols. mechanics, and potions' or should I refer to the specific subjects?

And I'll take a look at yours now!
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