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Posts by sparkyspark
Joined: Dec 15, 2011
Last Post: Dec 15, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

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sparkyspark   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / "Enjoying what I do..." -- [STANFORD] What matters to you and why? [3]

Hello! This is in its very early stages. I'd appreciate any suggestions on the topic, organization, word choice, etc. (:
Thanks!

CHARACTER COUNT: 2051
*I do need to cut this down by 51 characters at the very least...

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Enjoying what I do. That's what matters to me most.

Growing up among driven, ambitious peers, the race to put another high-powered internship or leadership position on the resume was fierce. I watched my friends complain about their hectic schedules, filled with volunteer positions at the local hospital and local tutoring gigs and hotshot internships. Much of what they were complaining about had little to do with their lack of time as it did with their unhappiness and annoyance of the whole affair. Yet, when asked why they were in it in the first place, it wasn't all too surprising to hear the answer, "Because it looks good for colleges."

In an age when getting into college has become increasingly competitive, I, too, got caught up in the hype of adding another extracurricular activity in an effort to 'impress' admission committees. I found little happiness in what I was doing, but I went along with it anyway. "It's for college," was the mantra that kept me going. But after three months, I felt a disconnection to the activities I had involved myself in. It had become mindless labor, done in the hopes of impressing someone whose connection to me would be a piece of paper with a laundry list of activities.

That was when I decided to simply get involved in the activities that I truly enjoyed and was interested in. I committed myself to a few activities in areas that I actually enjoyed, working with kids and community service. Although I would have fewer activities to show compared to some of my other peers, I enjoyed what I was doing. I put serious dedication and commitment into the few activities I did have, rather than half-heartedly applying myself into several different areas.

It's true, I might not be able to fill out all the extracurricular slots on the application. But of the slots that are filled, I can proudly say the memories and experiences I have gained from each those activities are well worth leaving slots blank.

I enjoy what I do. That's what matters to me. I could not ask for anything more.
sparkyspark   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / Forgiveness - issue of importance to you [6]

Revision-wise, I think EF_Susan and jennyflower81 have covered it.

Topic-wise, the topic was addressed properly (and well!)
The topic itself shows that you have a good awareness of yourself and can clearly express your thoughts and views.

This is a pretty well-written essay, not to sound redundant (: Good luck!
sparkyspark   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the essence of the university' - Unique qualities of Northwestern [4]

Applying to Northwestern too!

I think some of the qualities you list are a little generic. For example, the large number of majors/degrees and the small class sizes. There are many colleges in the country (comparable to Northwestern) that can offer the same thing to you. I'm not saying that it isn't a key factor, but maybe make it more specific to Northwestern? Just a thought! It goes along the lines of what 'lewisgf' said...

But otherwise, this is pretty well-written! Best of luck! (:
sparkyspark   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / Lack of cooking skill-Common app Essay [7]

This is pretty minor, but the last sentence:

"....a unique individual like the shape of a falling snowflake on a crisp winter morning."

The snowflake analogy, for me, is a little disconnected from the rest of the piece. Maybe compare it something more relatable to your personality/life? Like, connect it back to a unique pattern in the Rubik's cube or something science related? Just a suggestion!

But otherwise, I think the topic is very unique and the essay as a whole is well-written. Good luck! (:
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