Undergraduate / Introduce Yourself to Penn - TaCo Nickname [10]

TALIA

I LOVE YOUR ESSAY

BUT THERES SOMETHING U NEEDA KNOW:

One of Penn's requirements for this essay is that it should be APPROXIMATELY 150 WORDS

right now, i believe yours is 220 words, and i feel that being above the word limit by so much may actually hurt your application as admissions officers always look for brevity. i know this might come off as a huge buzzkill, but for college apps, word limits are placed for a reason

i hope i've helped a bit. this is really a great essay, and i think if u can cut it down to about 160 or 170, it would be ok, as long as you don't lose the ESSENCE of your piece

Undergraduate / 'My two years of hope' - Uchicago/Yale/Harvard Supp Essay [8]

This is a very touching piece. However, you start off by saying you hate crying, and then in the second paragraph you start crying. You may disagree, but i feel that in this instance, those tears are tears of anger and frustration - tears of weakness. But when you say "I cried" at the end of this essay, you cry not out of weakness, but because you feel the power of friendship and love. These are different forms of crying, and I feel that, for the sake of the overall "wholeness" of your essay, the second paragraph detracts, rather than adds, to your thematic concerns.

At least, that is how I interpret it. If you don't mind changing the information of your essay (and possibly skewing the facts a little bit), I would suggest you say that you were able to hold back your tears after hearing what the principal tells you.

Undergraduate / 'My two years of hope' - Uchicago/Yale/Harvard Supp Essay [8]


For me, it does convey everything you're trying to say, and i'm pretty sure admissions officers will catch that. if you add an explanation at the end, the essay might lose its punch. Then again, to be safe, it might benefit you if you relate ur essay to the prompt a little more clearly, but you should definitely do this before the last paragraph... maybe say something like:

Using my car key, I cautiously opened the envelope, and glanced into it. I found something I would never have expected.

something like that, its a bit chunky, but i hope it gives you some idea of how to approach this problem. i don't think its absolutely necessary, but its up to you!

Undergraduate / Introduce Yourself to Penn - TaCo Nickname [10]

I think colleges look for students that are concise and follow guidelines, so i think 70 words over the limit is quite a lot, considering it only asks for 150 to start off with.

Then again, it is a short essay, so i don't think they'll necessarily hold a grudge against you for being over, esp. since your essay is a fun read. also, considering it's an optional essay, penn admissions may not take the word count that seriously. It might be best to consult some other people, like your counsellor, and see what they think.

Undergraduate / Introduce Yourself to Penn - TaCo Nickname [10]

np :) i'm glad i could help