crazymonkey
Dec 26, 2011
Graduate / 'Computer Science, Sciences, Mathematic, and Engineer' - my SOP [4]
I'm assuming the prompt is USC?
determination is to prevent and safe people from diseases and sickness
To help you understand my goals, I would like to introduce my background and my education experience up to this point.
-- You need to work on this transition, its cheesy. Don't directly address the reader. What you could maybe say instead is "I came to this goal through my education in industrial engineering..."
to solve mathematics and physics problems or fix everything.
-- Or works here I guess but "and" sounds better.
I learned new knowledge and improved my skills.
-- gained?
various courses likewise mathematics
I took phatology class , anatomy, physiology, nutrition class
-- If you really want to say "class" you could try saying "I took classes in..."
It was impress me and want to study more about human and disease, what is the best solution to improve the health care provider, make healing faster and accurate, how to help people get well faster with technology and knowledge of engineering and do not have to rely on drugs.
-- This sentence is confusing, either cut it off after disease with a semicolon or period or reword it.
It is so surprise me that now a dayto do surgery do not need to cut long wound it is just a small tiny hole enough for light and tools then doctor can operate the patient and less time in hospita l, I do believe that BME is very helping human and animal in the world to have the best quality of life and wellness
-- I think I know what you're trying to say at the green part, but your missing a subject and you need a comma. End the sentence after "hospital."
I do believe that BME is very helping human and animal
That is what I see and it is very urge me to research
I'm assuming the prompt is USC?
determination is to prevent and safe people from diseases and sickness
To help you understand my goals, I would like to introduce my background and my education experience up to this point.
-- You need to work on this transition, its cheesy. Don't directly address the reader. What you could maybe say instead is "I came to this goal through my education in industrial engineering..."
to solve mathematics and physics problems or fix everything.
-- Or works here I guess but "and" sounds better.
I learned new knowledge and improved my skills.
-- gained?
various courses likewise mathematics
I took phatology class , anatomy, physiology, nutrition class
-- If you really want to say "class" you could try saying "I took classes in..."
It was impress me and want to study more about human and disease, what is the best solution to improve the health care provider, make healing faster and accurate, how to help people get well faster with technology and knowledge of engineering and do not have to rely on drugs.
-- This sentence is confusing, either cut it off after disease with a semicolon or period or reword it.
It is so surprise me that now a dayto do surgery do not need to cut long wound it is just a small tiny hole enough for light and tools then doctor can operate the patient and less time in hospita l, I do believe that BME is very helping human and animal in the world to have the best quality of life and wellness
-- I think I know what you're trying to say at the green part, but your missing a subject and you need a comma. End the sentence after "hospital."
I do believe that BME is very helping human and animal
That is what I see and it is very urge me to research