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Posts by dtulio
Joined: Dec 27, 2011
Last Post: Dec 27, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 3
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dtulio   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the technological industry' - University of Pennsylvania Supplement [2]

Question: Discuss your interest in combining management and technology. How might Penn's coordinated dual-degree program in business and engineering help you meet your goals? Please be sure to address the nature and extent of your interests in both business and engineering. (Please answer in one page, approximately 500 words.)

Economically booming, the technological industry stands as a promising industry to pursue a career in. With promises of growing further in the near future, technological industry presents a great opportunity to follow entrepreneurial quests. Understanding the extent of the opportunities and prospects available as a graduate of both technology and business, I set forth to pursue Jerome Fisher program in management and technology with great ambitions.

With ambitions of succeeding in life as an entrepreneur in the technological industry, I sought knowledge and experience in both the technology and business sectors since migrating to the United States. Increasingly showing interest in entrepreneurship and seeking means to create a business as resided in me since childhood. Without merely pointing at pictures of successful entrepreneurs such as Mark Zuckerberg or Bill Gates and dreaming of achieving their status, I have depicted my interest to success as a self-employed small business owner through informal off-school courses. Turning dreams into reality, steps taken to combine business and technology increased the interest further.

Various steps taken towards getting a glimpse at a career of business and technology helped grow the interest further. Attending courses about economics and financial at the Summer Business Institute instilled further interests. Fascinated by the economical and financial aspects of the business sector, I set forth to discover more opportunities. Furthermore, working at the University of Nevada Cooperative Extension as an intern opened a window into the technological and business field. Understanding the functions of a business through the eyes of an information technology intern taught me the skills and tools necessary to succeed. However, as an amateur of business and technological sectors, I turn towards University of Pennsylvania's Jerome Fisher program in management and technology to develop skills, knowledge, experience, and exposure.

Helping me meet the goal of becoming a technological entrepreneur, Jerome Fisher program in management and technology offers a myriad of opportunities. Providing information regarding necessary business and engineering skills, the program fulfills this goal. Furthermore, opportunities in research areas and business sectors will only aid. Depicting how business and engineering shapes the world; the dual degree program will guide me towards fulfilling the goals.

Understanding the great prospects of the Jerome Fisher program in management and technology, I understand the value of the program. Even though learning the concepts of engineering and business at two undergraduate schools requires great motivation, dedication, and persistence, the result of earning two bachelors degrees provides enough courage to pursue the degrees. Furthermore, realizing the necessity to achieve success in these fields I posses the motivation and courage to learn from the dual-degree program. Determined, I understand the rigor required from me and intend to succeed at this program.
dtulio   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I love music.' - Yale - tell us something we don't already know [5]

I enjoyed reading your essay. I got a little more insight into you through this essay. It explains alot about you and how you have grown.

However, I would not use "my" , "I" , "you" since it make your essay sound a little - hmm..how could I put this..below your level?..It is not that formal is what I am trying to say.

Also, I found a little grammar mistake

it's just sound; yet at the same time music is so complex. A simple variation in the rhythm or beat can make the song wholly different. To me music conveys emotion, it controls emotion, its soothing and its therapeutic.

Also, there is alot of passive sentences, perhaps you could make those more active?

Good essay! it just needs a little bit of more formality since it is going to Yale
dtulio   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Education is limitless' - short answer- co-curricular activity (Teaching) [3]

We would benefit from the topic? Does the question ask for how the extracurricular activity shaped you?

Anyway, writing wise, it is good and defines you. It shows that you are a compassionate person. However, you could perhaps make your essay a little more formal by adding more complex vocabulary words and by not using first person alot.

Good job and try some more revisions
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