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Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Common app essay: A real connection: struggle-responsibilities [5]
This is my common app essay, I have more than 500 words.. so I dont know where to cut.. I would really appreciateee alll kind of feedback!!
"My only Christmas wish is my father to get better soon" I would hear my brother saying every December. In my mind the only question I could make was: How do you explain a 10 year old kid that something is not reversible? My father's health state was a deep coma. The doctors said that he was not in a vegetative state because of different body reactions he did have. No one could understand his position and the doctors described it as "an impressive case".
My mother tried, was working hard to give us the things we needed. I was the middle sister but with my sister far away someone needed to take the responsibility of the older sister. Thirteen years old is not old enough to say that you are mature but someone needed to grow up faster. I wanted to give them the peace they needed. The biggest responsibility, I was not asked to take it. Being my brother the only boy I learned to ride a bike to teach him, play football... and now check his school work. I wanted him to feel proud of himself and to not lack anything in comparison to the people that surrounded him. [...]
This is my common app essay, I have more than 500 words.. so I dont know where to cut.. I would really appreciateee alll kind of feedback!!
"My only Christmas wish is my father to get better soon" I would hear my brother saying every December. In my mind the only question I could make was: How do you explain a 10 year old kid that something is not reversible? My father's health state was a deep coma. The doctors said that he was not in a vegetative state because of different body reactions he did have. No one could understand his position and the doctors described it as "an impressive case".
My mother tried, was working hard to give us the things we needed. I was the middle sister but with my sister far away someone needed to take the responsibility of the older sister. Thirteen years old is not old enough to say that you are mature but someone needed to grow up faster. I wanted to give them the peace they needed. The biggest responsibility, I was not asked to take it. Being my brother the only boy I learned to ride a bike to teach him, play football... and now check his school work. I wanted him to feel proud of himself and to not lack anything in comparison to the people that surrounded him. [...]