mobiusfn
Jan 1, 2012
Graduate / SOP FOR MASTER DEGREE IN PLANNING IN CANADA [4]
I would create a new paragraph here.
It was then that I came across SIM city, a game which empowered me to build my own city and address all the necessities of its citizens which were apparently real life ordeals of all cities.
While the game gave me a sense of fulfillment, it eventually cultivated a real love of the intricacies of urban issues in me. --- I would also create a new paragraph here.
Later, in high school a new phenomenon captured my fascination and amazed me by its complex interactions and connections . --- the interactions and connections description is not very clear to me; you might want to rewrite it.
Internet, despite its analogues to our actual lives, was extremely organized and efficient. ----- you might want to describe internet with better adjectives other than organized and efficient.
These features of the internet made me follow the trace of my intense curiosity and experience this latest advancement of human beings by designing web sites in my leisure times. ---- you might want to rewrite this line.
In the final year of high school my interest in seeking an explanation for all the thorny questions obsessing my mind since my childhood, from causes of traffic jams to the great public dissatisfaction that I encountered in my daily journeys and greatest of all the incapability of technology to answer the needs of our urban deficiencies, led me to the conclusion that I have to choose a fieldwith broader perspective which could avail me to answer these issues or to be part of the given answer. which can help me to provide solutions to the issues. --- also long sentence; break it.
Hope this helps.
I would create a new paragraph here.
It was then that I came across SIM city, a game which empowered me to build my own city and address all the necessities of its citizens which were apparently real life ordeals of all cities.
While the game gave me a sense of fulfillment, it eventually cultivated a real love of the intricacies of urban issues in me. --- I would also create a new paragraph here.
Later, in high school a new phenomenon captured my fascination and amazed me by its complex interactions and connections . --- the interactions and connections description is not very clear to me; you might want to rewrite it.
Internet, despite its analogues to our actual lives, was extremely organized and efficient. ----- you might want to describe internet with better adjectives other than organized and efficient.
These features of the internet made me follow the trace of my intense curiosity and experience this latest advancement of human beings by designing web sites in my leisure times. ---- you might want to rewrite this line.
In the final year of high school my interest in seeking an explanation for all the thorny questions obsessing my mind since my childhood, from causes of traffic jams to the great public dissatisfaction that I encountered in my daily journeys and greatest of all the incapability of technology to answer the needs of our urban deficiencies, led me to the conclusion that I have to choose a field
Hope this helps.