Writing Feedback / 'Job satisfaction and environment' - IELTS test [NEW]

i believe there have so many mistake that l had made in this essay, but how about the idea, or the bigest mistake that l made through the essay?

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing, what factors contribute to job satisfaction?

Everyone in the world need a job to make a living after their graduate from study, however the prevalent trend of work stand essential part in individuals live. Majority of adult spend one third of a day in (work day) working. Hence job satisfaction brings people enjoy in working. Work satisfaction plays an increasingly essential role in contemporary society, as far as l concerned. I believe that the environment for working, personal developing and challenge will efficiently affect a person's working satisfactory.

To start with environment, therefore the location and decoration of a company is a key factor. For employee, they should be given working places with competition and relaxation in order to developing themselves and have some spare time to take a break. Which brings a sense of happiness by working in this environment, furthermore a company should build up a rightly environment in order to improve efficiently to employee, for instance, as a doctor facing different patient for whole day. They might fell tired with it they need some space to take a relax which brings energy for continue working,

Admittedly, personal developing is a key factor, a personal developing brings energy to employee, and they fell hopeful to their future in order to keep challenge themselves. For example, when a employee know that they are going to repeating the thing they do every day without any change, which will turn their passionate of work to dust, in order to offer employee promotion to keep them challenge themselves which results the satisfaction of an employee,

Furthermore, challenge of working is a way for an employee to grab a sense of success. For a person a sense of success is after you struggle in a problem for a long time until you solve the problem.

Overall. Work is about life. Keep challenge in life, a sense of satisfactory brings confident to person, bring enjoy in life.