Undergraduate / (Annual Hanami Festival / Meeting Strangers) COMMON APPs [7]

I also believe your first essay is better. I've read it several times and I really like it. I even made an account so that I could comment on this thread.

I actually like your last line, as it brings your essay a full circle. But I'm not applying to American universities so I don't know how credible my suggestions are.

Best of luck but you are definitely a talent writer to say the least