Undergraduate / UC Transfer Prompt #1, Psychology Major [5]

Hey guys,
I'd really appreciate any feedback you might have!

This is my first essay on the UC Prompt 1:

What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

"I will be transferring as a third-year student, and realize that my decision to major in Psychology will be one of the most significant decisions in my adult life.

During my adolescent years I was very hyper-active had trouble communicating my thought. I would also lose my temper very quickly. My parents noticed my unusual behavior and decided that I should see a Child Psychologist. I went to see him for a period of about five month. In that time, all he did was give me prizes and random snacks while asking about my day. During those months, the psychologist was not able to improve my behavior in the slightest. It was at this time that my parents decided to take me to a much more reputable and specialized psychologist. My parents and I drove three hours to see this so-called specialist at his ranch. When we arrived, he immediately took me aside for questioning. He instantaneously diagnosed me with ADHD and recommended that I use one of their 'specially developed programs'. This program consisted of a pamphlet for me to read, one ear plug, and also a CD that contained many mathematical quizzes for me to complete. The instructions stated that I was to plug my left ear while answering the questions on the CD and to come visit him once a month. I did this for seven months; the only improvement my parents noticed was that I was able to remember up to ten characters at a time. I stopped the program as it was only adding to my frustration. I felt off balance with only one ear plug in, and it didn't help that I had to do more random exercises on top of my already full load of school work. Shortly after, I realized that both these so-called social workers weren't really in it to help me, but were out to help themselves. The programs and methods they prescribed to me were fruitless attempts to keep my parents cash flowing. It was at this time that I realized that there was nothing really wrong with me; I was just a spoiled brat that needed to come back down to reality and mature. It was also at this time that I realized what I wanted to do. I wanted to be someone that could serve the public, someone that could help those that were like me, and assist them in finding their own problems and solutions. I wanted to be an authentic psychologist.

Further down the road, I found myself working at Fry's. At this point in my life, I was in my second year of community college, and had already taken a few psychology classes. One day, a customer I was assisting had become frustrated due to the prolonged length of time it took to process his transaction. The man proceeded to shout and slammed his hands against the counter. Having taken a Psychology 1 class before, I recognized that the customer could have been experiencing symptoms of an acute behavior disorder. The man had trouble expressing himself. He was frustrated and became angry as a result. I tried to alleviate the situation by apologizing to him and showed him that I was processing the transaction as swiftly and efficiently as possible. I also displayed very respectful and sociable behavior during this time. He calmed down significantly. This experience served to reinforce my goal to become a psychologist. It helped me realize that there are still many people in society with unsociable problems. I want to be one of those that can actually help those people, not just a person that says that they can help."

Thank you,
Jay

Undergraduate / "the experience of mastering Tae Kwon Do" - UC Prompt: Essay 2 [4]

Hey guys,
This is my second essay that I've written. My sister has helped me check it, and I wanted a more varied opinion, so here goes!

Prompt #2 (all applicants)
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I was very reserved as a child. I never wanted to go out to meet new people, or do new things. I was complacent with the things the way things were. I always hung out with the same neighborhood kids I grew up with. It took a lot of effort to get me to say hi to a new classmate, and I'd break out in a cold sweat when approached by a stranger. To say I shied away from the spotlight would be an understatement. Then one day, in 8th grade, I walked past a Tae Kwon Do studio in session. I was taken away by the confidence and intensity of students as they trained in the martial art. Since then, I have won two silver medals in a sparring and form competition. I have also have received my Black Belt. I never thought that achieving my Black Belt status would bring me such pride; however, my accomplishments in Tae Kwon Do played an instrumental role in shaping the self-assured person I am today.

The most personally significant accomplishment I have achieved is my Black Belt status. I trained every other day at the Tae Kwon Do studio and practiced thousands of hours on my own and continued throughout high school to reach this point. As I became progressively more skilled in fighting and self defense, I found a new voice, and a new confidence. For the first time, I felt that I was in control of my own life; whether I was facing off in a sparring match or off navigating the maze called high school, I was the one behind the wheel. After I received my black belt, I, in turn, coached the younger students at the studio. At first, it was quite nerve-racking to be the instructor, but I realized that this was my chance to introduce new students to the sport that shaped the person that I am now.

If I had not been introduced to Tae Kwon Do, I would not be the person I am today. I used to be timid that I envied my pet turtle Ninja and her comforting shell. Tae Kwon Do has made me a stronger person, both mentally and physically. Although I am not pursuing a career in martial arts, it will always have a place in my mind, as it has been the factor that led me to believe in myself, has and allowed me to explore new things. I have been able achieve even better grades, and have been able to branch myself far enough to try activities like road racing. It has been an experience that has taught me to be humble, yet proud, strong and thoughtful-- and to also pursue my dreams. Through the experience of mastering Tae Kwon Do, I am no longer a self-limiting person, and I know that I am capable of motivating others to achieve their ambitions too.

Thanks,
Jay