Undergraduate / 'taking up challenges' - NYIT essay on career goal. [3]

question-What is your career goal and how will an NYIT education help you accomplish it.
Please help me edit it!

My ambition is my greatest motivation. I have always wanted to become a prominent architect one day. With the help of an NYIT education, I hope to fulfill that goal.

I imagine myself working for one of the country's most prestigious architectural firms. But accomplishing that or becoming successful in anything requires hard work and perseverance. I needed more than just imagining about the future.

With this dream floating in my mind, I decided to work hard in school if I wanted this dream to come true. Being so competitive, I took up many challenges in and out of school. I found a sense of enjoyment from taking up challenges. But I still felt empty. I need something else.

But it wasn't just all about being competitive. I realized that there was a very important key ingredient missing in fulfilling this ambition. It was a feeling of passion. And I truly felt that I wanted to become an architect. I needed to make this passion of mine into reality.

The passion to achieve my goals is the idea and feeling that will make my ambition come true: it is the passion I have that will bring out the best in me. But I have a feeling that this isn't enough. I need another kind of motivation to always keep me going and to bring me to even greater heights.

And NYIT can be that motivator that will bring me to great heights. I can go beyond expectations. I believe that what I will be given will bring me a world of opportunity and hope for the ambition I want to fulfill. I hope to experience all my achievements and obstacles with the guide of NYIT. I want to leave my faith in their hands to bring me into the reality of my ambitions for the future. I hope to be a big help as well by giving them my dedication and my all.

Undergraduate / an enemy who was a positive influence on me.. application [6]

who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence...
500 words or less
I have 497.
PLease help me edit. if you have suggestions please tell me. It would be appreciated
******

i tried to follow your advice guys and thank you for that once again.
I ended up editing my essay again. Please tell me if I have gone too far with the editing. thank you!! By the way, There are underscores to show that it is a new paragraph

---------------------------------------------

____I found it ironic that the someone who had once made me feel a sense of misery actually became one of the important people in my life.

____I was not at all fond of her. The girl was about my age, not more than a couple of weeks younger than me. Many considered her the sweetest young lady they have ever met. I saw her as someone who was fake. She showed everyone her supposed " good" side, but she showed me a different side, and it definitely didn't seem sweet. Not only did she brag about herself, but she criticized me as well: she teased me of being too scared to take chances. I couldn't help but wonder what her deal was.

____Everyone just began comparing me with her. I didn't do anything about it. I didn't want to bother with it at all. But when my own family began comparing me to the girl I knew was fake, I was awakened and I knew that the comparing had to stop.

____ I competed with her all the time, with school, sports, to just basically everything. But my competing with her felt worthless. Even if I tried to beat her at everything, she still kept winning and I was still being compared.

____She knew my weakness. She looked at me and told me that I would never be able to beat her because I was too afraid to take the chances I wanted to take: instead took the chances for the satisfaction of others and not myself. With an arrogant tone she told me I was afraid of failure. I hated her for telling me that. But, I hated her even more because I knew she was right.

____Oddly enough, she also told me that I had potential that I did not know how to use. I thought that she might have said that to make me look bad and to just conceit more about herself. But even if she was or wasn't trying to be conceited I took what she said about me and appreciated it. She had intuition and courage to tell me the truth. I began to understand why she treated me that way. It was unexpected that the young lady actually believed in me.

______The one I once considered an enemy was in truth a positive influence on me. It may not seem like it, but the person who has made you feel misery can actually be the one to give hope or moral value to follow in life: They can just be the paramount of truly realizing oneself. She allowed me to discover my own flaws which have been blocking me from my own desires and success. Her words were advice that I follow till today. I was able to obtain many accomplishment I never thought possible. The girl might not have been the most pleasant person, but she was someone. I don't consider her fake anymore, but someone who is honest and real.