Undergraduate / 'I feel powerless' - Common App personal essay [3]

My mother recently declared bankruptcy. I knew we had financial difficulties but I was oblivious as to the severity of the situation, perhaps because my mother, in an attempt to avoid worrying me, didn't tell me anything I didn't need to know. This unexpected piece of news was almost like a reality check and it got me thinking.

It got me thinking about my father, and how irresponsible, even callous, he was. Since my parents' separation in 1999, I haven't seen or heard from him. In the last few years, my mother has tried, on several occasions, to contact him to ask for some financial support, and each time, my father has replied by saying that it isn't his problem before hanging up. I barely know him, but I do feel some animosity towards my father. I just resent the kind of man he is. From what I can recall, he was abusive towards my mother and he was perennially unemployed, leaving my mother to earn all the money. I just can't understand how a man can be aware of the fact that somewhere in the world he has two children, and not feel a shred of responsibility. Watching my mother struggle alone has made me determined to do whatever it takes to avoid becoming the man my father is.

Currently, I feel powerless. Before I'd assumed that eventually, everything would be fine, but the bankruptcy has, in a sense, opened my eyes to the bleakness of our current situation. I know for a fact that my mother is intelligent, but the fact is that she is a single mother of two who, to UK employers, has no recognisable qualifications and as a result is self-employed. I also feel guilty as my mother would have a master's degree in German Literature were it not for my birth (which persuaded her to focus on motherhood instead), and perhaps, in that case, she'd be securely employed. In Korea, my mother was in a stable job and our family was financially secure; the fact that my mother sacrificed not just family and friends but also wealth to the point of bankruptcy all in the pursuit of a greater education, here in England, has strengthened my resolve to ensure that all of this wasn't just in vain and has convinced me that I must do everything to seize any opportunities I may receive.

Some people are ambitious by nature, others, by choice. I'm ambitious by circumstance. My mother has raised me and my brother alone for 12 years, and the bankruptcy has made my mother's sacrifice abundantly clear to me. Rather than responding with despondence, I feel I have to view this event in my life as something to galvanise me into action. I won't be able to stop the banks closing my mother's account next month but in the long-term, through education, I hope I can improve the situation and I hope I can repay my mother for everything she's done.

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I suck at judging my own work so I'd be appreciative if someone could judge my essay for me.

Thanks in advance.

Undergraduate / Harvard Supplement on my interest in rap music? [5]

I used to hate rap music. It just didn't appeal to me in any way. If anything, just listening to it made me feel uncomfortable, seeing as the only words I could distinguish from most raps were expletives. I was of the relatively common belief that rap "music" could barely be classified as a genre of music, let alone an art form. Aside from the apparent lack of vocal talent and sonic appeal, I also took issue with the crude recurring themes within rap, most prominently, the excessive swearing, the casual objectification of women, the frequent references to guns and violence and the generic narcissistic brags about material wealth; none of which I could relate to. As far as I could see, these themes were inherent, perhaps even fundamental, to rap music and as such I could not comprehend how anyone could like it.

And I retained these views on rap until a few years ago when I heard the pop/rap song "Stronger" by Kanye West. In hindsight, it wasn't a particularly great song, but it was catchy, which is probably why it caught my attention. More importantly, "Stronger" led me to discover, another Kanye West song, "All Falls Down". Almost instantly, it became my favourite song; I couldn't stop listening to it. Originally it was the sound of the guitar and the general "feel-good" vibe it had that appealed to me. Up to this point, I had very much been a dilettante when it came to music and really I didn't care for it too much and rarely, if ever, made an effort to deduce the meaning of songs. But after a few listens, I started to pay attention to the song's lyrics and in them I found a very relatable message which addressed the superficiality within modern society, ranging from a girl enrolled in college just for her parents' approval to a man who indulges in luxuries he can barely afford just to maintain the façade of a lifestyle that others may envy. It'd be an exaggeration to say that this song led me to some sort of epiphany, but it did mark the first time I actually understood a rap song, but more importantly, it was the first time music felt real and relevant to me.

Songs like Kanye West's "Spaceship", which addresses the conflict between ambitions and the reality of a menial job, verbalised many of the thoughts and feelings that I had had at one time or another and listening to these songs became almost a personal experience. In my pursuit of more rap music with substance, soon enough I was listening to the albums, and then I became acquainted with the "classics", so to speak, of the hip-hop genre such as Illmatic and Ready to Die. By then, music had become more than something to occupy myself with, it had become a medium through which I could further my knowledge and understanding, for example, Nas's "NY State of Mind" depicted American inner-city destitution so vividly that I, from a different continent and a different way of life, could vicariously experience a completely different world. By the time I'd reached around 16, music had become integral to my life; whether I was on the bus to school, or brushing my teeth, I would always be listening to music; rap music, to me, became simultaneously a thought-provoking diversion, a source of guidance, a source of motivation and a source of comic relief. Through the social commentary on Food & Liquor, the self-deprecating/reverent introspection on My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy and the eclectic, comedic raps on Stankonia, I finally understood the appeal of rap as a thematically and lyrically versatile, relatable form of music.

It was as a result of purposely trying something unfamiliar that led to my discovery of rap music and in that respect, rap has taught me something of pertinence to everyday life; to appreciate the potential rewards of exploring new things. But moreover, if I was asked, right now, to name something that I was truly passionate about, against my own expectations, it'd be rap music. I believe your taste in music says a lot, in general, about you, hence the sub-cultures that are often related with certain musical genres (for example b-boy, goth, indie, Rasta, punk). Whether it's your musical preferences that influence your personal characteristics, or vice-versa, I'm not sure, but my interest in rap music has been crucial to my development. Ultimately, I cannot adequately describe in words the exact consequences of the evolution of my musical taste, because the effect rap has had on me is immeasurable. Rap has stimulated my imagination better than I myself could, introduced me to novel outlooks on familiar concepts and has had a genuinely profound effect on my way of thinking, my beliefs and has expanded the scope of my perspective far beyond my own relatively insular surroundings, and as a result, it has shaped my identity and most probably will continue to do so for a long time to come.

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Any advice is welcome... I'm debating whether this is sufficiently interesting or if I should write a different essay on father figures???

Is it too long?