Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2 - academic subjects- [NEW]

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I need to get 7.0 in IELTS, anybody can help me to check this essay?
Thanks in advance!
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School should teach children some academic subjects which will be beneficial to their future career. Therefore, other subjects such as music and sports are not important. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Over the past few decades, non-academic subjects have become increasingly important in the fast-change which based on society. There are wildly variety of non-academic subjects, the sport is particular significant role for children.While Others argue that non-academic subjects are less important in the near future,I highly believe that it is inevitable and can benefit us more than we can imagine.There are several reasons, why I hold these opinions.

First of all, other subjects are inevitable part of children's education development.by doing non-academic subjects, people can gain different experience.one particular good example of this is sports are good way to build character and develop personality, it is necessary for learning about competition, cooperation and good sportsmanship.In addition,due to the computer Internet games has been popular, A majority of children find it hard to leave computers.Consequently,a growing number of children are becoming overweight or obese because lack of exercise.

Further and even more importantly, the needs of society are not only people who have studied academic subjects,several occupations are required, for instance musicians,artistes and cookers, these provide wildly variety of entertainments to society.although academic subjects play a significant role of children' future career,school should not ignore other subjects in which students are able to gain a opportunity for learning other skills.

In conclusion, I strongly recommend that schools should consider that non-academic subjects are also important because it allows students have a chance to build other skills and hobbies.

Writing Feedback / (food/drinks/tobacco category) "National spending in 3 categories" [NEW]

The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.

Country Food/Drinks/Tobacco Clothing/Footwear Leisure/Education
Ireland 28.91% 6.43% 2.21%
Italy 16.36% 9.00% 3.20%
Spain 18.80% 6.51% 1.98%
Sweden 15.77% 5.40% 3.22%
Turkey 32.14% 6.63% 4.35%

The table given compares the proportion of expenditure for different categories in five Europe countries in 2002.

It is evident from the information provided that the food/drinks/tobacco category was primary expense in five countries (Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey).

The Turkish spent almost first on this category listed with 32.14%. Next came Irish with 28.91%. Sweden spent a mere 15.77% of their spending there which was half of the money Turkish consumers paid.

The nation expenditure on the clothing/footwear was not high in these countries.
None of these countries spent more than 10%. Furthermore, people in Italy just spent only 9% on this category.

As for leisure/education, which made up smallest proportion of national consumers spending among three categories. The figures in five countries did not reach 5%. People in Turkey only spent 4.35% of their relaxing and learning while Spanish spent less than 2 % here.

In conclusion, the data indicates that food/drinks/cigarettes were majority national expenditure in the five European countries.