Research Papers / Study of epistemology - what methods can be used? [7]

Paper on Philosophy (epistemology) - is this a good thesis? Or even a thesis at all...?

I'm writing a 3k Philosophy paper on epistemology, about justification.
Could someone please tell me if this is a good thesis, or what I can do to make it better?

"In this paper I will show that the justification component of the traditional tripartite theory is insufficient to accurately establish knowledge. To demonstrate this, I will make use of Gettier examples, and show where the traditional use of justification fails to serve as a true indicator of knowledge, or lack of it. Finally, I will propose a revised view of what I think would fit better to serve as justification on the tripartite model."

I'm not if it even is a thesis, i've never been good at writing these...

Research Papers / Study of epistemology - what methods can be used? [7]

Is this better:

The traditional understanding of the justification component in the tripartite theory is unreliable to accurately establish cases of knowledge, as observed in Gettier style examples. With the use of these very examples, and of what other philosophers have said about justifying beliefs, I intend to show that the flaw in the current view of justification is that beliefs are often based and justified upon assumptions and uncertain conditions. I will show that by adjusting the view of justification so that it can only be derived from known beliefs and not assumptions, or if the weight of these assumptions is carried through the process of justifying beliefs, we can establish a more sufficient indicator of epistemological knowledge.