tonywenlxf
May 13, 2012
Writing Feedback / Enjoyment? We have responsibility to support our family and contribute to improvement of society [2]
please help me with my TOEFL essay,Thank you very much.
TPO5
People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment--doing things they like to do--rather than doing things they should do.
With the development of technology and society, people have higher organized ability to prioritize and manage their time than ever. There is where the controversy arises. How can we balance the time of personal enjoyment and public responsibility? Some people may argue that we spend too much time on personal entertainment and neglect our accountability. For my own perspective, it is indispensible to spend enough time on entertaining oneself especially when ameliorating efficiency, laying a solid foundation on one's health, and practicing social skill are taken into deliberation.
First of all, personal entertainment definitely stimulates the rate of accreting one's efficiency. Aiming at keeping best state for working, people prefer to do something delightful such as playing computer games, going to a hilarious movie and enjoying some music after consecutive hard work. For example, when I study continually for morn than 2 hours, I am inclined to listen to some pop song that can inspire my working passion. Exactly I study more efficient after half an hour music enjoyable time. It is highly recommended to have some spare time which can obviously exert some positive effect on people's efficiency.
Furthermore, it is absolutely physically and mentally beneficial for people when they have reasonable spare time management. Undertaking the enormous stress of competition in modern world, we need to relieve a while and can energetically return to our own work. Just imagine that people only focus their energy on their work without any outdoor exercising and social interaction, those people will be fragile and easy to get ill and may have psychological problem. Evidently we can not ignore the advantage of personal enjoyment which plays an important role in our health improvement.
Last but not least, people who share the same hobby which is fostered on spare time could easily make friend for each other. Social skill is as require an indispensible ability as professional skill and some time is more significant in specific field like business world and diplomacy. We need to spend enough time on cultivating amateur interest by various ways like attending extracurricular activity and doing some sport like badminton and swimming.
Admittedly, we could not spend most of our time on personal entertainment, we have responsibility to support our family and contribute to improvement of society. But spare time is necessary for anyone and nowadays people have enhance their realization about the significance of personal enjoyment and truly can manage their time.
please help me with my TOEFL essay,Thank you very much.
TPO5
People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment--doing things they like to do--rather than doing things they should do.
With the development of technology and society, people have higher organized ability to prioritize and manage their time than ever. There is where the controversy arises. How can we balance the time of personal enjoyment and public responsibility? Some people may argue that we spend too much time on personal entertainment and neglect our accountability. For my own perspective, it is indispensible to spend enough time on entertaining oneself especially when ameliorating efficiency, laying a solid foundation on one's health, and practicing social skill are taken into deliberation.
First of all, personal entertainment definitely stimulates the rate of accreting one's efficiency. Aiming at keeping best state for working, people prefer to do something delightful such as playing computer games, going to a hilarious movie and enjoying some music after consecutive hard work. For example, when I study continually for morn than 2 hours, I am inclined to listen to some pop song that can inspire my working passion. Exactly I study more efficient after half an hour music enjoyable time. It is highly recommended to have some spare time which can obviously exert some positive effect on people's efficiency.
Furthermore, it is absolutely physically and mentally beneficial for people when they have reasonable spare time management. Undertaking the enormous stress of competition in modern world, we need to relieve a while and can energetically return to our own work. Just imagine that people only focus their energy on their work without any outdoor exercising and social interaction, those people will be fragile and easy to get ill and may have psychological problem. Evidently we can not ignore the advantage of personal enjoyment which plays an important role in our health improvement.
Last but not least, people who share the same hobby which is fostered on spare time could easily make friend for each other. Social skill is as require an indispensible ability as professional skill and some time is more significant in specific field like business world and diplomacy. We need to spend enough time on cultivating amateur interest by various ways like attending extracurricular activity and doing some sport like badminton and swimming.
Admittedly, we could not spend most of our time on personal entertainment, we have responsibility to support our family and contribute to improvement of society. But spare time is necessary for anyone and nowadays people have enhance their realization about the significance of personal enjoyment and truly can manage their time.
