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Posts by ajsmith02
Joined: May 15, 2012
Last Post: May 18, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 1  
From: United States of America

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ajsmith02   
May 15, 2012
Scholarship / 'Where / to whom you were born vs. quality of life' - Peace Corps Essay #1 [NEW]

Hi all, I would really appreciate some feedback on my Peace Corps essay. I don't know if it stands out enough. Also, I need a fresh pair of eyes to check over grammar. I appreciate any help! Thank you in advance

Host Country Not Crucial



It is a core belief of mine that where and to whom you are born should not dictate the quality of one's life. As a man who was blessed to be born into a rather privileged life, I feel that it is my duty to help those less fortunate.

I could spend a paragraph explaining how I believe this experience will help me grow as a person, submerge myself in another culture and possibly learn another language but I won't. When I think of the conditions that one Peace Corps Volunteer described to me; having to use an outhouse, sleep in a tent, and fetch water from a well, I do not think learning a new language will be enough motivation. Conversely, what will motivate me in those conditions is knowing that I'm making another human being's life better.

Although I have lived a relatively sheltered life, I am not ignorant to the perils of people around the world. The first time I was exposed to extreme poverty was on a family trip to Syria. Following this I asked myself why I have clean water, good food, a great education etc. while others don't? I found the answer to be simple. The reason why I have these things is because there was someone that willing and able to help me. Since this experience, the service that I have given has always been motivated by the realization that I'm willing and able to make someone else's' life better.

I have been willing to help the international community for some time now. Unfortunately, it was not until just a few months ago that I felt able. Now that I have graduated from Arizona State University with my Bachelor's of Science, I know I am able to help. The reason I want to do this now is related to my future life goals. Once I enter the workforce and have a family, it will be much more difficult to commit to the first Core Expectation.

If only by the sheer number of applications to the Peace Corps, it's obvious that I'm not the only person that wants to improve people's lives. What sets me apart is my economic background. While not the focus of the fourth Core Expectation, it mentions "sustainable development work". This is what I love to focus on in my service work. The old proverb "catch a man to fish; you have fed him for a day. Teach a man to fish; you have fed him for a lifetime" rings true with me. I'm interested in making an impact that will be felt by multiple generations in my host country.

Ironically, I think the two Core Expectations that I've mentioned will be the most difficult. Leaving the familiar is never an easy process and it will only be exacerbated by the fact that I'll be working with people who are in their native environment. I have found in my experience that these fears are natural in any unfamiliar circumstance and often disappear the moment work begins.

I have considered many alternatives and am certain that no other experience will give me the opportunity to positively affect the lives of people around the world like the Peace Corps. Further, I believe my past experience and desire to help others will make me effective Peace Corps Volunteer. It is
ajsmith02   
May 16, 2012
Scholarship / SOP for Applying International Merits Scholarship at University of XXXX - Feedback [4]

It back when I was in high school in whichwhen my passion infor biology drivendrove me to pursue a formal education in medicine. Due to the high cost of tuition fees and lack of financial capabilitymy financial situation , resulted I was unable to enroll as a medical student. As my aspiration, I wish that someday I have chance to be able to study in medical area.This sentence is not needed. It repeats exactly what you said in your first sentence
ajsmith02   
May 18, 2012
Scholarship / Peace Corps Essay #2 - A Muslim-Catholic child in a Jewish pre-school [2]

Hi all,

I'm looking for some peer review on my essay below. The prompt is directly below this. Any advice is welcome! Thank you in advance.

International Students



From a young age I have had the opportunity to experience many different cultures. As the son of an Arab immigrant mother and a Caucasian Catholic father, the last place anyone would expect me to attend pre-school and, later on, after school care was at the Jewish Community Center. Fortunately, my parents never believed in using religion or ethnicity as criteria for choosing whom to associate with. Rather, they embraced every opportunity to expose me to various cultures.

Although I was too young to fully grasp the situation, I noticed early in my experience at the Jewish Community Center that I was different than the other kids. Whereas everyone else already knew of traditional celebrations of Shabbat, Hanukkah, Passover and other Jewish holidays, the JCC was the first and only place I experienced this.

As I grew older, I began to understand the situation. Because I had been around the Jewish community from a young age, I had a head start on integrating myself into their culture. I became aware of the fact that keeping the trust of those around you, especially in situations where two cultures meet, is of the upmost importance in developing relationships. It was around this time that I was left out of a celebration for the first time. During one Passover Seder, I was asked to stay back and not participate. At the time, I felt like an outsider. For days I begged my mother to let me go to a different after-school program. Luckily, she held strong and kept me at the JCC. This taught me to respect other cultures, even if doing so makes me feel like I'm being left out. It brought to light that traditions of this sort are about the people that celebrate them, not me.

More recently, I came to one of the most diverse places imaginable: Arizona State University. As one of the largest universities in the US with 70,000 students, it goes without saying that I've met people from all different backgrounds. It was a huge challenge for me to get out of my "bubble" and experience people that I wouldn't have back in my home state of Kansas. In doing so, I have developed close relationships with students from Turkey, England, Mexico and Bulgaria. These relationships have taught me that we should celebrate our differences, not act as though they don't exist.

My experiences have given me the open-mindedness to immerse myself in my home country's culture while have the awareness to respect traditions. I know that no matter where I'm placed, I will meet and exceed the fourth Core Expectation.
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