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Posts by faizan_abid
Joined: Dec 26, 2008
Last Post: Dec 27, 2008
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faizan_abid   
Dec 26, 2008
Undergraduate / Personal statement for NUS: The big day [8]

This section is an opportunity for you to elaborate on the information you have provided earlier. You may wish to discuss a special talent, a personal experience or an activity that you have been involved in that is of relevance to the course that you are applying for at the university.

As there is only limited space (2000 characters), you are encouraged to present your ideas in focused and thoughtful manner.

I've tried to write it in a different manner, please give your feedback regarding it and suggest any improvement. I will also be thankful if anyone could help me shorten it a bit.

In the centre of one end of the Physics lab, lays my science project - a silver dome mounted on a white pipe standing in a wooden frame. It still reminds me that dreams can come true if you work hard enough for them. I dreamt of constructing a Van de Graaff generator since my O-Level days and got the perfect opportunity for it in the "Bloomfield Hall Science Fair 2008".

I had a week to complete the project. The first task was to calculate the dimensions of the wooden frame and dome and I did it relatively easily as I am good with numbers. Next, I needed to get the right material for the belt, rollers and dome.

In the second task I realized that even if you have all the knowledge regarding a machine, building it requires much more than that. I had to carefully manage the budget and know the right place to get the right items. In an attempt to manage the budget, I travelled in publics vans congested with people and brought used items wherever I could. However, I could not find the right items and this was unarguably because of living in an underdeveloped city.

Consequently, I had to look for alternatives which proved to be a bottleneck. Just three days before the Science fair, as my anxiety increased, I had the brainwave to use metal rollers covered with Teflon tape and tire's nylon tube for the belt. Using two steel bowls joined together were just perfect for the dome.

It was worth explaining to the worker in the wood working shop about my design when the Van de Graaff took its shape the next day. Then I mounted the belt which was a gruelling task and required several attempts. After placing the steel bowls, my heart pounded with excitement as I switched it on.

At that moment, the sound of the motor was as pleasant as soft music and the spark from the dome sent a smile to my face rather than pain.

On the big day, my project stood apart in its "Frankensteinish" look. I was glad the judge started from the other end of the line which gave me time to plan what to say. When my turn came, I gave every detail about the project; I tried my best to show how important that project was for me and how much effort I had put into it.

My efforts bore fruit when I won the first prize, however, the joy was not as great as it was when I completed the project a day earlier. Perhaps this was why I had won: I worked for the fulfillment of my own dream rather than winning a prize.

Faizan Abid
faizan_abid   
Dec 27, 2008
Undergraduate / Personal statement for NUS: The big day [8]

Thanks for you advice, Sean. I've rewritten the essay. As before please suggest any improvements and any way of shortening it. And is the first paragraph ok there or should i move it to the end? I am just attempting to make it interesting for the reader.

The big day finally had finally arrived. All eyes were focused on my project which stood apart in its "Frankensteinish" look, a silver dome mounted on a long pipe standing in a wooden frame. I was participating in a Science fair for the first time and this naturally made me glad when the judge started from the other end of the line. This gave me an opportunity to observe how others students explained about their projects.

...
faizan_abid   
Dec 27, 2008
Undergraduate / Personal statement for NUS: The big day [8]

Thanks for your respone atomvik.
I've written the essay again and have made many changes. Again, as before, notify me of any mistakes. I'll be thankful. Anyone who reads it, do give me the feedback as well.

By the way, i need to complete my app by morning. :D

Faizan Abid
faizan_abid   
Dec 27, 2008
Undergraduate / Personal statement for NUS: The big day [8]

Could you tell that when they say there is a limit of 2000 characters, is it with the spaces or without them?
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