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Posts by crissy1251
Joined: Dec 26, 2008
Last Post: Dec 27, 2008
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crissy1251   
Dec 26, 2008
Undergraduate / Common App Essay ("Grazie! Grazie!") [13]

I've written about 5 or 6 essays, but I have a good feeling about this one. I'm not too sure if it says enough about me, or if it's good or not. I really need a few opinions; it's my first post! Thanks a lot!

Question: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

"Grazie! Grazie!" shouts the sun-wrinkled aged man, who shoves the small package into my hand. Overwhelmed by the massive crowd of people surrounding me and excited for the Murano glass necklace I just purchased, I decide to step to the side for a moment, trying to spot familiar faces. 'Where can they possibly be?' I ponder aloud as I anxiously begin searching for the four other members of my group. Before I know it, I am all alone with no familiar face in sight in a buzzing plaza in Florence, Italy.

'I'll be fine' I think, almost excited to venture back to the hotel by myself so that I can reach my 8 p.m. curfew, Italian time. As I walk through the crowded streets, I whip out my map and quickly look for signs and symbols to put me in the right direction. After ten minutes of trying to understand the map, I decide to resort to the next best thing- a currency exchange center. The kind woman at the desk, who speaks English very well, thoroughly explains to me how to get back to my hotel as I attentively listen. And so, I set off on my way back to the hotel, or at least I think so.

The next hour of my time in Florence is filled with excitement, curiosity, anxiety, and utter panic. As I spiritedly walk down a narrow, cobble-stone street, I am immediately lured into a small, shabby chic store that displays a Blondie-esq mannequin. After a few minutes of eagerly searching the store, I realize that I don't have enough petty American dollars to afford the high-class European vintage items. Disappointed, I walk out to find the sun slowly escaping my view. I glance at my phone, and it is already 7 p.m. My nerves begin to kick as I decide to prance down the street, trying to catch the sun. In a matter of minutes, the sun is gone, and I find myself at the end of the road and in the middle of an unfamiliar park. At this moment, I want to cry. The park is filled with a suspicious air and I have no idea what to do. My cell phone is not working and I don't know the number for the hotel. On top of all that worry, the thought of the recent kidnappings and murders of American students in foreign countries lingers through my mind.

'Get it together', finally says that little voice in my head, pushing me to stop thinking about the worst possibilities and begin my mission to once and for all find my way. I walk into café after café trying to communicate with the workers to ask them for directions. As I don't speak an ounce of Italian, this is much harder than I anticipate, but through the power of sign language, and tons of smiles, I manage to get proper directions. The time is now 7:50 p.m. and as I walk down yet another desolate block, I turn my head to the right, and at that moment my life is complete. Standing right in front me, beautifully lit, is the Piccadilly Hotel, my safe haven. Mission accomplished.

I make my way to my hotel room and I proceed to tell my friends, who are calmly waiting for me, about my unexpected adventure. As I consider the merits of the meaty tale I have to tell, I begin to have a tingling feeling inside. A sense of independency emerges, as I realize how much I learned from my little "adventure." Getting lost in the middle of Florence forced me to do two particular things that I was not used to doing- act quickly and interact with strangers.

As I look back on my day, I am surprised that I was for the most part, cool and collected throughout most of my voyage. I quickly adapted to the busy environment, and trusted my instincts to go to the right people for help. Although I acted capriciously in some moments, I was able to pick up on my mistakes and motivate myself, even in times of doubt, to find my way home. This small surprise turned out to be an eye opening event. As I worried as I was, somewhere inside of me enjoyed every second of interacting with the native Italian people. I was not ashamed to be an American and I was not ashamed to be ignorant of the Italian culture. Instead, I kept an open mind and a bright smile in order to show my understanding and respect for the help I received. Throughout the rest of my European excavation, I found myself to be more open-minded and sociable with the local people than I had ever been. Moreover, this adventure furthered my desire to interact with people of different cultures, explore new places, and have hundreds of hours to get lost in the depths of fascinating locations.

As I set off on my college endeavor I hope that my experience in Florence translates to many other experiences that I will have traveling abroad and learning about the complexities of other cultures. No matter what obstacles I come to face, my escapade in Florence had taught me that it is vital for me to keep my head up high, hold an open mind, continue walking, and readily ask for help.

****Should I have a title? Any suggestions?
crissy1251   
Dec 26, 2008
Undergraduate / why tufts? need to know if its specific enough [10]

Maybe you should focus more on why tufts is so appealing to you? How does it stand out from the thousands of other colleges in the u.s.a that you've probably read about? Also, what do you think it will offer you that colleges in your country can't.

hope that helps a little! good start, but it could use some work.
good luck!
crissy1251   
Dec 26, 2008
Undergraduate / BU Supplement (I have many connections with Boston) [8]

I think the intro should be a little more alluring. Maybe start it off with your reaction and then go into the details; defnitely put in a little more details as to why the school caught your attention. Also, you should focus a little more on the line "I crave to abandon my suburban roots and live in city"- why?

As for the flow of the ssay, I think it would sound much better if you put the paragraph beginning with "Located in the heart off.." after 'Since I am..".

Just a few suggestions :)
Best of luck!
crissy1251   
Dec 26, 2008
Undergraduate / BU Supplement (I have many connections with Boston) [8]

I think it's better to focus on a few things that REALLY stand out to you- that way you can cut some words down and add some more details.

I'm also really prone to writing way over the character limit, but I found that taking out a few flowery words and trying not to use overtly long sentences help a lot.

I suggest reading your essay over a few times and you'll successively find things to take out.
crissy1251   
Dec 26, 2008
Undergraduate / Common App Essay ("Grazie! Grazie!") [13]

I'm really having trouble figuring out if it says enough about me. And I'm not too sure about the last two paragraphs? Any suggestions?
crissy1251   
Dec 26, 2008
Undergraduate / Common App Essay ("Grazie! Grazie!") [13]

thanks!
I definitely understand what you're saying. Do you have any suggestions as to how I should change my second to last paragraph. I wanted it to be sort of a reflection on my day and how it impacted me. I'm just not too sure how to go about doing it.
crissy1251   
Dec 27, 2008
Undergraduate / Common App Essay ("Grazie! Grazie!") [13]

ahh thank you so much.
how about "An Italian Incitement"?
or maybe "Il Risveglio Italiano (The Italian Awakening)"

Really, thank you
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