jalilt
Jun 23, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'met hundreds of people' - need help on conclusion and more detail [2]
Throughout my life, I have met hundreds of people. However, only a special few have had the ability to make an impact that will last a lifetime. Out of this group of individuals there have been two people who have been there from the beginning and will be there in the end: my parents. Through thick and thin my parents have always been there for me. It is only because of them that I am the man I am today. Without their sacrifice and guidance I would be nowhere. It is from them I learned wrong from right, how to make decisions wisely and cleverly decisions in my life; I can say for a fact that no one will make such an impact as them. My parents were never selfish to their five kids always put us first before themselves at many time, my father for example served in the military for twenty one years to make sure that his kids had. I could never understand why he was gone so much? Why was my mother always there but no father? Did he leave us for some other women or didn't like his kids? So many questions going through a little kids head but no answers until I was older. One day I ask my dad why was he gone so much? He said jalil " I was gone so much to make sure you boys had what you needed, made sure you had food on the table and keep you safe for the evil. At that moment I knew my dad was here to protect us and he also taught me how to be a better man all my life. He always said " you do good for people and some day the good will be repaid in full "
My mother always held three jobs to make end meet, to make sure that her kids had the best, to make sure they lived in a great community . my mother made many scafices in her life. She had her first kid when she was 18 and she still taking care of him at age 26. She always said said you have no clue what I done to make sure you guy had a good chirstmas but now I know it all. When I was little all I can think of oh look at all the present but didn't think of anything about how hard my mom work for it all. Now to this dayi renamed my mother as superwomen because she does all, for example she cuts hair, cook, she my personal nurse, she cut grass and many more. i havent seen a women do what my mother do in awhile. i always said i want a women just like you when i grow up. and m y brothers girl friend are kinda like my mothe rand some ways. maybe becasue it give them confort. or maybe when my mom dies she really never dies .My parents was always there for us making many scarifcices even to this day, they have taught to be a better man, to treat people like you would like to be treated and be yourself no one else! I love them to my heart and someday i hope to give back to them what they have given to me.
Could you help me with some extra deatil or where to put it. and what kind of conclusion d=should i use. thank you
Throughout my life, I have met hundreds of people. However, only a special few have had the ability to make an impact that will last a lifetime. Out of this group of individuals there have been two people who have been there from the beginning and will be there in the end: my parents. Through thick and thin my parents have always been there for me. It is only because of them that I am the man I am today. Without their sacrifice and guidance I would be nowhere. It is from them I learned wrong from right, how to make decisions wisely and cleverly decisions in my life; I can say for a fact that no one will make such an impact as them. My parents were never selfish to their five kids always put us first before themselves at many time, my father for example served in the military for twenty one years to make sure that his kids had. I could never understand why he was gone so much? Why was my mother always there but no father? Did he leave us for some other women or didn't like his kids? So many questions going through a little kids head but no answers until I was older. One day I ask my dad why was he gone so much? He said jalil " I was gone so much to make sure you boys had what you needed, made sure you had food on the table and keep you safe for the evil. At that moment I knew my dad was here to protect us and he also taught me how to be a better man all my life. He always said " you do good for people and some day the good will be repaid in full "
My mother always held three jobs to make end meet, to make sure that her kids had the best, to make sure they lived in a great community . my mother made many scafices in her life. She had her first kid when she was 18 and she still taking care of him at age 26. She always said said you have no clue what I done to make sure you guy had a good chirstmas but now I know it all. When I was little all I can think of oh look at all the present but didn't think of anything about how hard my mom work for it all. Now to this dayi renamed my mother as superwomen because she does all, for example she cuts hair, cook, she my personal nurse, she cut grass and many more. i havent seen a women do what my mother do in awhile. i always said i want a women just like you when i grow up. and m y brothers girl friend are kinda like my mothe rand some ways. maybe becasue it give them confort. or maybe when my mom dies she really never dies .My parents was always there for us making many scarifcices even to this day, they have taught to be a better man, to treat people like you would like to be treated and be yourself no one else! I love them to my heart and someday i hope to give back to them what they have given to me.
Could you help me with some extra deatil or where to put it. and what kind of conclusion d=should i use. thank you