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Posts by vickyw
Joined: Dec 28, 2008
Last Post: Jan 19, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: china

Displayed posts: 5
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vickyw   
Dec 28, 2008
Writing Feedback / Writing to improve my essay - New Year resolution [4]

New Year resolution

I have been Canada for seven years, my English level is still low, but I have confidence to improve it. I want to get 3 years diploma in Seneca College.

First I plan to practice writing. I give my self half an hour to an hour to writing down what I learn today every day. For example, when I was drawing in auto CAD, I found that copy property is not valid anymore from one file to the another, after thinking and analyzing I understand that it is related to the layer coped object located in, if this layer is frozen then the project you coped and pasted but you can not see it.

Second, I plan to part time go to Seneca college take some courses. I want to take college English, general education option. effective technical communication.

At last, I will apply a writing correction count, after writing send to them let them correct for me.
vickyw   
Dec 28, 2008
Writing Feedback / Writing to improve my essay - New Year resolution [4]

I have lived in Canada for seven years; my English level is still below average. I am confident to improve it.

First, I plan to practice writing every day. I will take about one hour to write down what I learn today. It maybe related to either life or knowledge for life, it' topic perhaps is " i got a lesson from somebody"; for knowledge , It topic maybe " how did i overcome the problem".

Second, I plan to go to Seneca College part time. Due to I applied late, right now I don't know the exact course yet.

The third is that make my writing effective. I will apply account in essay forum, let them to correct my article.
vickyw   
Jan 18, 2009
Writing Feedback / Great Expectations - Charles Dickens. Tension and suspense. [4]

-It would be helpful if u can post the specifications of the assignment so ppl trying to make correction know what to look for when reading your assignment.

-Quote: "Charles Dickens would have had to use a lot of suspense in the novel to persuade Victorian readers to buy the next instalment. To do this, Dickens could have ended each instalment at a cliffhanger, which would definitely give the reader a reason to buy the following part of Great Expectations."

-Installment? not instalment

You talked about how Dickens could end each installment in suspense. In terms of the essay, you haven't gotten to talking about the end of the installment yet. When i read it, it kind of stuck out because it doesn't connect to the paragraphs around it. This statement can be moved to a place where it is more relevant, or maybe you would do better stating how Dickens have to put lots of suspense in each installment in general to keep the reader interested.

You explored each device used for creating suspense chronologically, and named each use of suspense in detail. Have you ever thought you might be going into too much detail? When i read your response, i felt as if i was reading the book(because it was so detailed). Again, i don't know the requirement for this assignment, maybe you are required to write a piece of such detail. Just keep the amount of detail you put in in mind.

Quote: "Dickens introduces Pip as a typical young child who may not be very intelligent, such as many children in the working class in the mid nineteenth century. For instance, in the beginning of the novel, Pip is looking at his parent's gravestones where he ponders the exact inscriptions on them. When the convict questions him about his parent's names, he recites them word for word from the tombstones, which in turn, indicates his youthful innocence.

"
The central theme of the essay is to explore how Dickens used tension and suspense in his writing. In this quote, you talk about pip's characteristics. Not sure whether it's relevant to the purpose of exploring how Dickens use suspense. Maybe you could make the quote more relevant by describing how his innocent trait brings out the reader's fear of him being exploited or how his daring (shown by when he helps Magwich) characteristics brings out an air of anticipation.

quote: "
In the opening chapters, I believe Charles Dickens is trying to set the scene and introduce the main characters, including the protagonist, Pip, and of the many antagonists, Magwich. He is also giving us an in-depth overview of Pip's life and his lifestyle. For example, he lives with his sister, Mrs. Joe and her husband, Joe Gargery and both of his parents have passed away. We know that he is an orphan because when he is looking at his mother's tombstone, Magwich asked him, "And is that your father alonger your mother?", and Pip confirms his query, "Yes, sir"."

Connect your thoughts to the purpose of the essay. Here you talk about how the writer is setting the scenes, but how does it relate to the suspense in the novel? Does he create suspense with interesting characters? Suspenseful scenario? etc. If it does write it down, instead of " I believe Charles Dickens is trying to set the scene and introduce the main characters" you could write I believe Charles Dickens is trying to set the scene and introduce (the odd, interesting, innocent, desperate, etc) main characters as a way of creating anticipation. Remember the reader can't read your mind, so make sure you always relate back to your purpose.

Overall i thought it was very detailed and I can tell that you know the book very well. But it would help for you to read over each paragraph and reflect on whether or not it have to do with the assignment. Good Job!

P.S. not sure whether this was helpful my first attempt at revising others' work. Sorry if i made no sense.
vickyw   
Jan 19, 2009
Research Papers / GLOBAL WARMING and natural disasters essay [10]

EIVIROMENTAL SCIENCE

GLOBAL WARMING

Since the industrial revolution during the 18th Century, people have continuously improved their productivity with technology. Industrialization changed peoples' lives in many ways. While it generated an era of prosperity, it also brought many problems to our society, many of which we are just discovering today. The most important problem started by the industrial revolution is a significant increase in Carbon Dioxide emission, which leads to global warming.

Globe warming brings about various natural disasters.
The most significant disaster is the rising of sea level. Global warming increases the melting of the polar ice caps, which brings about a rise in sea level. As sea level rises, islands near sea level sink into the sea. Residents on these islands lose their beloved homes, and are forced to live in refugee camps. The number of environmental refugee is rapidly increasing. The current number of environmental refugee is thirty three million, more numerous than the twenty five million political and war refugee.

Global warming leads to extremely weather conditions such as hurricanes, floods, tornados, and acids rain. According to United Nation statistics department, the frequency and magnitude of reported disaster is on the rise. Among the worst is hurricane Katrina in 2005 when1836 people lost their lives, and millions of people lost their home. The hurricane is estimated to be responsible for 81.2 billion U.S. dollars in damage.

Global warming causes the extinction of many species. The polar ice caps have been melting at frightening speed. As the ice cap melting, there are fewer places for bear to live instead more water surrounding them. It makes bear harder to find food. Polar bears will disappear if the ice continues to melt at this speed.

Since we have known the global warming have brought us so many devastation, how to effectively reduce it become crucial.
According to article Kyoto Accord "Kyoto Accord is an international treaty whereby countries agree to reduce the amount of greenhouse gases they emit if their neighbors do likewise. It is a very complex agreement that allows trading pollution credits. If it is cheaper to reduce emissions in country A, then country B can buy the pollution credits, and have them count toward its own quota of reductions. Happily, the global atmosphere does not care where the greenhouse gas reductions come from."

This is good idea for all countries to eliminate carbon dioxide emissions. Unfortunately, most of the country such as United State, China, Korea and so on has not signed it yet. Why most of the countries refused to sign the treaty? The main reason may be authorities are too local. I persuade that all countries do not just think their own country' benefit and refuse to sign the agreement, all the politicians should think about save our earth for our offspring. Since we live on one planet, we share the same earth, we should help each other, and the First World should stretch out their friend hand to the Third World to avoid doing the same mistake to the earth.

On the other hand, Canada has signed the agreement, this give us hope. Further more, there are some successful initiatives such as Mayor of San Francisco; San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom is the pioneer in green initiatives. He had planed to use clean energy in transportation, buildings and environmental justice, also, the city has accomplished from 2004 to 2008. The plan includes seven categories. Renewable and efficient energy; Climate action; Clean transportation; Green building; Zero waste; Environmental justice. San Francisco has done an excellent job in the past 4 years and settled a good example for all of us. This really is an encouragement for environmental worker. At the same time we should think what we can do for save our environment.

We should think about our ecofootprint, do our best to save the limited resources on the earth, for example, turn off the light when daylight is bright enough; Drying clothes rather hung than using drier; do not cook the food that need long time and so on.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Environmental_refugeenments
en.wikipedia.org/wiki /Acid_rain
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hurricane_Katrina
mindprod.com/envi ronment/kyoto.html
blognewcomb.com/blog/2008/02/san_franciscos_green [/url]_initiativ.html
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