Undergraduate / Woman who has taught me how to navigate my world - influential person in my life.. [12]

Hmm.. This is a very personal essay. It beautifully written as well. However I'd like to say its not very punchy and to the point. However, Your essay is magnificent in its present state.

Undergraduate / georgia tech essay [taking a year off school before attending college] [3]

that has instill(ed) awe in the hearts of people

...I want to visit such landmarks like the Great wall and also visit Beijing's most treasure jewel, ancient china's most revered location known as the forbidden city home to the emperors of china. (break it up into more sentences)

...linguistic knowledge of Mandarin ==> my mandarin

...so that I may better communicate with the (C)hina's inhabitants.

...What I hope to gain from this experience, aside from the knowledge I hope to gain about this mysterious nation that I know really little about, is a better sense of my own Chinese identity.

help any?

Undergraduate / Personal Statement, taking pictures as my hobby. [8]

this is an update. I tried to make it a little more personal. But im still having a hard time making it cogent. Especially in the [] parts where i don't know how to make it sound better.

Also, I need to connect my ideas/paragraphs

Maybe it was that camping trip to Mount Hood or maybe it was spending a week in the eastern Oregon high desert. I'm not exactly sure what inspired me, but I started pursuing photography to try to capture my most memorable moments. Initially, photography meant just putting a great sight on paper. But as I have matured, photography has become a form of expression; a tool I can use to tell a story. And looking at my Pentax SLR beaming from atop my dresser, I would like to share my perspective through its lens.

Photography is kind, sympathetic hobby that gives you second chances. If my initial picture isn't perfect, I can manipulate focus, aperture, and shutter speed to get better and better shots. From those unsuccessful shots I can learn, adjust, and try again until I have the perfect photograph. The innate persistence I have with a camera is something I have shown outside of photography. For instance, I learned perseverance firsthand after performing miserably in my sophomore AP chemistry class. Undeterred, I relearned the subject this summer and enrolled in organic chemistry at my local community college. Organic chemistry has been substantially harder than AP chemistry but from it I have learned many more invaluable lessons. The perseverance and resolve I gained from this experience has made me a better person.

The artistic nature of photography stands out in the subject of the picture. I have to choose the right subject to tell my story. Subjects are fickle, fleeting and innumerable so I have to choose the ones that fit my scheme and pursue them. Just like the subject holds the essence of the photograph, the opportunities I have chosen reflect my passions. Medical research is my passion. After looking through my career possibilities, I went out and [got] firsthand research experience working in a local neuroscience lab. From there I have continued to pursue this [interest] and am currently working in a biomedical engineering lab. Just like I take photos only of subjects that fit my story, I have chosen to pursue these opportunities because they are aligned with my direction. [fit my direction]

The camera is a very potent device. But there is no single feature in the camera that gives [it its] [capability]. Every part of the camera lends to its ability. The aperture adds depth of field that the shutter speed cannot while the shutter speed can add unique blurs. Like that, there isn't any single event or experience that makes up "me" [constitutes my character]. For instance, the courage and excitement I felt digging snow caves in subzero blizzard conditions with boy scouts added a unique dimension to my personality. [My intimate conversations wheeling disabled patients at my local hospital gave me qualities my research experience could not]. There are countless experiences I could [rant] about: tracking wild tigers in Indian rainforests, spending days backpacking through the cascade ranges, or even just the casual conversations I would have every day with medical staff when I volunteered at my local museum. Each experience has added a unique facet to my personality and enriched my identity.

[conclusion...

Undergraduate / Personal Statement, taking pictures as my hobby. [8]

EH?
how about this vers,?

Photography, Art, Life, Science

Photography is a versatile art. It's about freezing a moment; putting a vision onto paper, with emotions and feelings. Photography is a tool used to bring out elements unseen by the eye and capture them on film, with a perspective that is often overlooked. It's an art, and a science complete with rules. The art is finding a subject. The science is getting that subject onto paper.

A picture tells a story and uncovers details much the same way as a microscope yields clues about a tissue in its glare. When I look at the tissue of a chicken heart, I see the image with the eye of a photographer. As a photographer, I see art in the cadence of its rhythm; I see beauty in the random amalgamation of muscle strands. At the surface, I see the whole heart, and as a scientist, I look for the secrets locked within its walls that can save human lives. To unearth these secrets, I've recently used tools such as optical coherence tomography to reveal critical information about the blood flow velocity behind those rhythmic, beating muscles. More and more, I'm becoming an ardent student of biology. It is my passion. From the rhythm of the heart to the symphony of neurons in a spinal cord, I see art in biology just like I see science in photography.

The science in photography is an artifact of the methodical process of capturing a picture. There are controllable variables: when the shutter speed slows, the brightness of the picture always increases; when the aperture becomes wider, the range of focus always decreases. From each imperfect picture I learn, reconfigure, and try again. A good photographer needs patience and persistence to capture the perfect image. Persistence is second nature to me; my work ethic compels me to try again until I'm satisfied. This ethic extends to other parts of my life as well. One such parallel was my resilience in AP Chemistry during sophomore year. I didn't do well and I wasn't proud of the results. So I tried again and relearned the subject last summer, enrolling in organic chemistry at my local community college with dogged determination. My perseverance is paying off and I'm already applying the knowledge regularly in advanced research at Oregon Health and Science University.

Each component of the camera serves a vital purpose; similarly, each of my experiences lends itself to my personality. The friends I made and the people I met from around the world at the International Science Fair taught me more about diversity than any other experience- Although I shared a common interest in science with my peers, our approaches were truly worlds apart. Through Boy Scouts, I learned firsthand about leadership, courage, and the strength of will - from leading my patrol through week-long backpacking trips in the Oregon Cascades, to braving blizzard conditions digging snow caves on Mount Hood. My volunteering experiences at the local hospital reinforced the values of compassion and the importance of extending a helping hand. There is nothing more rewarding than the heartfelt thank-you's I received as I assisted patients in the hospital. These experiences form but a small fragment of the collage that is my life and I intend to continue to enrich this picture as I expand my horizons and pursue my passions in college.

[Im still working on the transitions and the conclusions]
Photography helps me put things into perspective; it forces me to look deeper. I rarely accept issues at face value, I enjoy dissecting them - sometimes I over analyze. There is a vagabond artist within me as well as a passionate scientist. I am a leader and always first to take initiative. I enjoy the outdoors. I feel that the only shooting on this planet should only be done through a camera. I want to, and will, someday, change the world. It will be on my terms. For now though, I need to learn and explore. Photography is the vehicle of my exploration.

Undergraduate / "Northwestern University is a school almost free from any stereotyping" [3]

hey wasnt the deadline jan 1?