Undergraduate / Comm. app. short essay; "Sub! Sub!" my coach screamed impatiently at the referee [12]

I think u can shorten the beginning.
From "Noticing his intent, I instantly looked down, clearly avoiding his eyes. This was my first volleyball game, and although I was convinced that I would not be an active player this match, I shut my eyes and hoped that my number would not be called."

To "This was my first volleyball game, and I hoped not to get called in to the game."

Also shorten "A white "Tachikara" ball met my sweaty palms, while my trembling knees made their way past the 9m line." to "With sweaty palms I took the ball, and with trembling knees went to the spot."

This is not much but it reduces to 246 words. Everything else just looks too good to shorten it. It is really nice and descriptive.

It is not boring at all. I'm applying to colleges as well and if you'll compere mine and yours my would be boring. Need to think of the way how to make mine more interesting.

Undergraduate / Common App Short -- first job [5]

Hi, it is nice. Can not say much about grammar or structure. I'm a student as well, but this part caught my attention "For the first time in my life, I experienced working for myself". Did you really? From you wrote I can conclude that you were for somebody. I think it is better to put "For the first time in my life, I experienced having a (real) job" or "For the first time in my life, I indulged in working"

Student Talk / Word count limits and restrictions in essays [44]

I'm applying to the Princeton as well. They did not specify that the quote is part of the word count so I do not think so. Also if you are doing choice 4 then it do not count in nay way. If you are doing choice 3 and you are putting it in the a introduction I think they might count it. On the other hand dsacks is right 20 or so words more is not deadly

Undergraduate / Common App Short Answer ( City Links program) [7]

I liked your essay, but I think you need to focus on your participation in City Links more. You are getting a bit of tapping talking about your weekend job. This tasks want you to pick 1 and describe it.

Undergraduate / Common App Short Answer ( City Links program) [7]

I think you can delete the last paragraph and provide more detail description of your participation in City Links.

I know that it is an import part for you. I'm an immigrant I know what you feel. However I think it is better to mention it in the Personal Essay. It is going look to like you do not have anything else except coming to U.S. if you are going to put it in all of your writing. At least it is my opinion.