Writing Feedback / 'Do not rely on government to offer tuition' - GRE writing [5]

hi , everyone, this is my first GRE writing , please give me some feedback and suggestions, i will be appreciated .thank you

issue: university education determines one's destiny. so government should take tuition for any who could not afford university fee
University education plays a large part of an individual life. Therefore, the author suggests that government should assist students who cannot afford their tuition to university.in my opinion, it is not reasonable sufficiently.

The university education has a great influence on an individual life, for people usually improve their self-cognition and plan to their future life. More importantly, people become more mature and make wise decisions after getting university education, especially faced with problems from career, family, and society etc. taking the example of Steve Jobs ,who did not accomplish the university education, however, he admitted that if had not he learned calligraphy ,he would not be addicted to typefaces , not let to lone establish the apple company. Steve Jobs did not finish his university education, but he found his career there. Meanwhile, the more people receiving university education, the more strengthen their county hold. Besides, considering growing international competition, the intellectuals play a significant role in social development. All walks of life have developed rapidly because of them.

However, it is not reasonable that only government sponsor those impoverished students. In the first place, the governmental revenue is supposed to construct public facilities, do scientific surveys and resolve some social problems, such as unemployment, medicine insurance, all of which is associated with the rights of citizens tightly. In the second place, since it is very expensive to afford a university student's tuition, whether the government has enough fiancé and energy to assist those students should be considered cautiously. Furthermore, a large amount of problems is urgent to solve, such as inequality between social different stratums, which interferes with larger scopes and has greater influence than assisting those students. The developing of a country in the long run, is achieved by reconciling all problem from social ranks and classes.

In fact, government could sponsor students with scholarship, which could incite the enthusiasm to study. Besides, it is indispensable to advocate enterprises and some non-beneficial organizations. Providing some finance to students by enterprises, on the one hand, could make enterprises to execute their obligations. On the other hand, it could expand reputation of companies and attract more qualified people. it is demonstrated that those who accept the assistance from enterprises are inclined to work in this company. In addition, a lot of social organizations prefer to aid the students to accomplish their university education. Therefore, beside government, enterprises and social organizations could offer help to necessitous students.

To sum up, it is not a brilliant avenue to just rely on government to offer tuition for university education, which could put more pressure on government and affect the development of society. Enterprises and some organizations could make their effort to assist those students finishing their education in universities.