sosiforever
Jul 30, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'parents should let children do the things they want' - TOEFL ESSAY [3]
I'm not good at writing.So i need someone's help.I want you point out my errors and how to improve my examples.Thanks!!
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Parents should allow children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.
Here is my essay:
Everyone makes mistakes in one's lifetime however old one is. Some people may think that adults should always prevent children from making mistakes so that they will always have good results. However, in my opinion, people should not stop these mistakes as well as be relaxed about these mistakes because not after making mistakes will these children realize how to improve skills or how to avoid this bad outcome.
First of all, people do not have enough time and enigma to company their kids due to the drastic competition in our society. They have to work late until night and when they come home their kids have already fallen asleep. Therefore, they have few chances to point out their children's mistakes and help them avoid errors. That reality makes people impossible to turn kids' every mistakes right. For example, my parents are both teachers so they have to stay in school late until every child goes home. Thus, I only have 2 weekdays per week to face to face with them. When they are out for work, I always make some mistakes like breaking a vase and inviting friends to home without permission. However, It is regular for me to behave like these because I am a child who do not have many experiences. Also, these so called mistakes in my eyes are part of my precious memories in my childhood. Therefore, I think there is no need to indicate children's every mistakes for adults are not able to do that.
In addition, making errors sometimes is beneficial because the bad consequence caused by the error will stimulate people to do better in the next time. For instance, once I attended a pre-performance before having the 10 grade piano exam. I forgot the melody so that I gave up playing halfway. The audience looked at me surprisingly and my seated mum was as upset as I was. That embarrassing experience let me think of the flaw I had when I was playing the piano. When I got home, I quickly started to perform again and again, which could promise I would not forget the music again 2 days later on the test day. After my ceaseless practice, I finally gained an awesome mark. From that performance I learn that mistakes are not as negative as we usually talked about. Sometimes the error can help us know where the disadvantage is and then we can work hard to improve it.
To sum up, I hold the opinion that people should just let children do the things they want to do without pointing out the mistake because not only is making mistakes normal and regular, but also it can enhance the quality of things we are completing.
I'm not good at writing.So i need someone's help.I want you point out my errors and how to improve my examples.Thanks!!
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Parents should allow children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.
Here is my essay:
Everyone makes mistakes in one's lifetime however old one is. Some people may think that adults should always prevent children from making mistakes so that they will always have good results. However, in my opinion, people should not stop these mistakes as well as be relaxed about these mistakes because not after making mistakes will these children realize how to improve skills or how to avoid this bad outcome.
First of all, people do not have enough time and enigma to company their kids due to the drastic competition in our society. They have to work late until night and when they come home their kids have already fallen asleep. Therefore, they have few chances to point out their children's mistakes and help them avoid errors. That reality makes people impossible to turn kids' every mistakes right. For example, my parents are both teachers so they have to stay in school late until every child goes home. Thus, I only have 2 weekdays per week to face to face with them. When they are out for work, I always make some mistakes like breaking a vase and inviting friends to home without permission. However, It is regular for me to behave like these because I am a child who do not have many experiences. Also, these so called mistakes in my eyes are part of my precious memories in my childhood. Therefore, I think there is no need to indicate children's every mistakes for adults are not able to do that.
In addition, making errors sometimes is beneficial because the bad consequence caused by the error will stimulate people to do better in the next time. For instance, once I attended a pre-performance before having the 10 grade piano exam. I forgot the melody so that I gave up playing halfway. The audience looked at me surprisingly and my seated mum was as upset as I was. That embarrassing experience let me think of the flaw I had when I was playing the piano. When I got home, I quickly started to perform again and again, which could promise I would not forget the music again 2 days later on the test day. After my ceaseless practice, I finally gained an awesome mark. From that performance I learn that mistakes are not as negative as we usually talked about. Sometimes the error can help us know where the disadvantage is and then we can work hard to improve it.
To sum up, I hold the opinion that people should just let children do the things they want to do without pointing out the mistake because not only is making mistakes normal and regular, but also it can enhance the quality of things we are completing.