chanty7
Aug 13, 2012
Undergraduate / A Seedinlig's Esfuerzo (Endeavor) College Essay [2]
This is my college essay. It is a metaphoric essay comparing my life to that of a flower's life. Please help me polish it. Thank you.
A Seedling's Esfuerzo (Endeavor)
By: Ylen Chantal Estevez
I confess: I am a flower. Flowers require a firm structure and rich nourishment in order to rejuvenate their strength and blossom flawlessly. Likewise, self-discipline and a thirst for knowledge have never failed to make me who I am. My family and I moved to the United States eleven years ago during the spring time. Although I knew the Dominican Republic was entitled to my culture and identity, I accepted my new life here in the United States because after all, flowers bloom during spring. Lawrence, Massachusetts has always been a city surrounded by low income families and a poor reputation, but regardless of this I consider Lawrence to be my new garden; my new home. A garden's soil has a great influence upon the health of its flowers, but merely because a flower is planted in unfertilized soil does not mean that it will not grow to be beautiful. Nevertheless, a good year is determined by its spring. Despite Lawrence's unsatisfactory education system and disappointingly high dropout rates, I know I can beat the statistics and prove to the year that this spring a flower is going to bloom in my garden. My parents have substantially impacted my life not only by moving to the United States, but also by exposing me to a field of opportunity and self growth.
I once had a colorful reoccurring dream in which I was a yellow poppy. My roots dispersed wildly like a dandelion's hairs and were as long as a sunflower's stem. They danced cheerfully to the vibration of bachata music under Dominican soil, although one day I no longer felt the merry vibrations. I was no longer able to embrace the sweet warmth of my soil. It had appeared my gardener chose a new garden for me to nestle in. As a seedling, I struggled to adapt to the new weather and even the new language. My soil was not rich enough and I was deprived of materials I needed because my gardener did not have the means to provide for me. I often felt disadvantaged, as flowers from other gardens obtained richer soil; better opportunities.
I grew tired of not being beautiful enough; proficient enough. I wanted to do as well as the other flowers despite of my disadvantage. I wanted to prove other gardens wrong. Yes, my garden's soil was nearly dry and brittle. Yes, the materials which cared for me were limited and my roots were malnourished, but I fought for my opportunities regardless of the fact that I knew I had to work harder than every other flower. Above all, I had my endeavor and motivation. I became addicted to succeed and thrive because I refused to let my garden determine my beauty; my future. With great determination, I stuck out my sepals from the shade and into the sunlight. I was inclined to absorb as much sunlight as possible. My education; my knowledge was the product of this sunlight and I became the product of my strife.
Every day I stuck out my sepals even further and nourished myself endlessly. As I absorbed the sunlight I noticed a drastic improvement. I was starting to feel as beautiful as the other flowers. I was starting to bloom into the flower I wanted to be. Somewhere along the line I accepted who I was. I accepted I was not like the other flowers. I accepted my disadvantage and I accepted that I will occasionally come across a flower that was more beautiful. The difference then was that I understood that did not mean the other flower was better than I; it just meant that I was faced with a different circumstance in life. I noticed I was no longer a seedling. My tight and cozy bud became a bright and beautiful yellow poppy. I radiated optimism and hope for the rest in my garden. I desired to bath them with my fragrance; my mentality, so one day they would stick out their pedals just as I did. Within myself I knew that was just the beginning. I would continue to embrace the sun with my sepals in order to absorb as much knowledge and education as I could store. I knew no garden on the crust of my sweet earth would ever make me doubt my potential or ability. This was a lesson I held on to dearly; it is also a dream I will remember forever.
Throughout the years, I have continued to face much adversary, but I have also maintained my determination and ambition in the hopes of gaining the education I long for. Life has taught me that hard work is followed by acquired goals and dreams. I am certain that the toil I am facing to achieve success is one that I will be thankful for in the future. Likewise, my parents' efforts and struggles will be redeemed by my triumph and accomplishments. Today, I am honored to say that I am proud of myself because it is not easy to thrive among a garden with bad soil. I know that my unending effort and desire to flourish will one day be rewarded. I am sure of this because when I awoke from that dream the only memory engraved in my head was when my gardener said, "That proves it: there is nothing stronger than a seedling's esfuerzo".
This is my college essay. It is a metaphoric essay comparing my life to that of a flower's life. Please help me polish it. Thank you.
A Seedling's Esfuerzo (Endeavor)
By: Ylen Chantal Estevez
I confess: I am a flower. Flowers require a firm structure and rich nourishment in order to rejuvenate their strength and blossom flawlessly. Likewise, self-discipline and a thirst for knowledge have never failed to make me who I am. My family and I moved to the United States eleven years ago during the spring time. Although I knew the Dominican Republic was entitled to my culture and identity, I accepted my new life here in the United States because after all, flowers bloom during spring. Lawrence, Massachusetts has always been a city surrounded by low income families and a poor reputation, but regardless of this I consider Lawrence to be my new garden; my new home. A garden's soil has a great influence upon the health of its flowers, but merely because a flower is planted in unfertilized soil does not mean that it will not grow to be beautiful. Nevertheless, a good year is determined by its spring. Despite Lawrence's unsatisfactory education system and disappointingly high dropout rates, I know I can beat the statistics and prove to the year that this spring a flower is going to bloom in my garden. My parents have substantially impacted my life not only by moving to the United States, but also by exposing me to a field of opportunity and self growth.
I once had a colorful reoccurring dream in which I was a yellow poppy. My roots dispersed wildly like a dandelion's hairs and were as long as a sunflower's stem. They danced cheerfully to the vibration of bachata music under Dominican soil, although one day I no longer felt the merry vibrations. I was no longer able to embrace the sweet warmth of my soil. It had appeared my gardener chose a new garden for me to nestle in. As a seedling, I struggled to adapt to the new weather and even the new language. My soil was not rich enough and I was deprived of materials I needed because my gardener did not have the means to provide for me. I often felt disadvantaged, as flowers from other gardens obtained richer soil; better opportunities.
I grew tired of not being beautiful enough; proficient enough. I wanted to do as well as the other flowers despite of my disadvantage. I wanted to prove other gardens wrong. Yes, my garden's soil was nearly dry and brittle. Yes, the materials which cared for me were limited and my roots were malnourished, but I fought for my opportunities regardless of the fact that I knew I had to work harder than every other flower. Above all, I had my endeavor and motivation. I became addicted to succeed and thrive because I refused to let my garden determine my beauty; my future. With great determination, I stuck out my sepals from the shade and into the sunlight. I was inclined to absorb as much sunlight as possible. My education; my knowledge was the product of this sunlight and I became the product of my strife.
Every day I stuck out my sepals even further and nourished myself endlessly. As I absorbed the sunlight I noticed a drastic improvement. I was starting to feel as beautiful as the other flowers. I was starting to bloom into the flower I wanted to be. Somewhere along the line I accepted who I was. I accepted I was not like the other flowers. I accepted my disadvantage and I accepted that I will occasionally come across a flower that was more beautiful. The difference then was that I understood that did not mean the other flower was better than I; it just meant that I was faced with a different circumstance in life. I noticed I was no longer a seedling. My tight and cozy bud became a bright and beautiful yellow poppy. I radiated optimism and hope for the rest in my garden. I desired to bath them with my fragrance; my mentality, so one day they would stick out their pedals just as I did. Within myself I knew that was just the beginning. I would continue to embrace the sun with my sepals in order to absorb as much knowledge and education as I could store. I knew no garden on the crust of my sweet earth would ever make me doubt my potential or ability. This was a lesson I held on to dearly; it is also a dream I will remember forever.
Throughout the years, I have continued to face much adversary, but I have also maintained my determination and ambition in the hopes of gaining the education I long for. Life has taught me that hard work is followed by acquired goals and dreams. I am certain that the toil I am facing to achieve success is one that I will be thankful for in the future. Likewise, my parents' efforts and struggles will be redeemed by my triumph and accomplishments. Today, I am honored to say that I am proud of myself because it is not easy to thrive among a garden with bad soil. I know that my unending effort and desire to flourish will one day be rewarded. I am sure of this because when I awoke from that dream the only memory engraved in my head was when my gardener said, "That proves it: there is nothing stronger than a seedling's esfuerzo".