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Posts by 4cait4
Joined: Aug 25, 2012
Last Post: Aug 26, 2012
Threads: 1
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From: United States of America

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4cait4   
Aug 25, 2012
Undergraduate / Common App: Extracurricular Activities (Volunteer at Hospital) [5]

Hello, this is for the short answer on the Common App. Please give critical feedback!! Thanks!

Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

The medical environment of Kennedy Hospital is not for the weak-willed. Surrounded by unhealthy patients and burdened families, I had the opportunity to observe the real-world problems that can exist within a hospital and the difficulties in watching indisposed individuals struggle with their misfortune. As I was encompassed by the sickness and sorrow, I realized the necessity of therapies and disease prevention. This only furthered my interest in Biomedical Engineering. Through cancer therapy research, DNA disease prevention, and artificial organs, Biomedical Engineering can give hopeless patients the promise of being cured. Uplifted by this revelation, I motivated myself to lighten the workload for both nurses and doctors in my department in order to comprehend the hardship that others are facing daily. I suddenly connected with the adults in my department and enjoyed the atmosphere, knowing that one day I could change these patients fate with time and research.
4cait4   
Aug 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Common App: Extracurricular Activities (Volunteer at Hospital) [5]

Thank you for the critique!! Here's my modification:

Loud beeping, a racket over the loudspeaker, a shuffling of footsteps. I tentatively peeked through the glass doors, hoping to catch sight of the cause of the clamor. The medical environment of Kennedy Hospital is not for the weak-willed. Surrounded by unhealthy patients and burdened families, I had the opportunity to observe the real-world problems that can exist within a hospital and the difficulties in watching indisposed individuals struggle with their misfortune. As I was encompassed by the sickness and sorrow, I realized the necessity of therapies and disease prevention. Uplifted by this revelation, I motivated myself to lighten the workload for both nurses and doctors in my department in so that I might better comprehend and attend to the hardship that others are facing daily. I developed a connection with the adults in my department and enjoyed the atmosphere, knowing that one day I could change these patients' fate with time, research and commitment.
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