Posts by LW Trojan
Joined: Jan 3, 2009 |
Last Post: Jan 11, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 10
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From: United States of America
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Displayed posts: 11
Undergraduate /
U of Washington. Limit for number of word? [13]
I don't think that it will be a big problem if your essay is over by 50 words. However, one of the main reasons for word count restrictions is to see whether a student can
effectively answer the prompt even with the restrictions. If you are able to do this, it will demonstrate your writing ability.
Undergraduate /
VCU essay: "Education and Life: A Personal Statement." In this essay, discuss your educational goals [8]
Here are some suggestions:
When I emigrated from South Korea, I had a difficult time communicating with others, so art provided a way for me to "speak" with others. When I came to the United States, I barely knew English; I could not talk with other people, even though I wanted to. However, I was able to use my art skills as a means of communication.
The above is somewhat redundant.
Graduate /
Entrance Essay - Master of Public Affairs [4]
I think this essay is GREAT. The one thing that you could change is your use of contractions such as "I'm" instead of "I am." It can come off as informal.
Essays /
Very confused on my Thesis statement. AP Euro History class [7]
How about:
Women from the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries began to break the social norm as they ventured into the world of science, and were met with conflicting attitudes: while fellow women scientists were supportive, non-Enlightened scientists and traditional women were disapproving.
Undergraduate /
Teacher of influence essay [6]
I'm a little confused on what tense you are speaking in (present tense or past tense). You seem to be going back and forth between the two, but you should choose one and stick to it. Otherwise, your response sounds good. One more suggestion: the last sentence will be a lot stronger if you take out the word "probably."
Undergraduate /
'Tupac's changes' - NYU short response [4]
What do you think about this response?; this is the prompt:
You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why?I experienced a sort of catharsis as I sat in my living room and watched an African-American nominee be elected president of the United States. I was reminded also of a verse from the song "Changes" by Tupac: "Although it seems heaven-sent, we ain't ready to see a black president." Suddenly the song seemed to take on a new meaning that spoke of our progress and endless possibilities, and inspired hope. As I utter the words to this song, I re-experience that cathartic moment. I sing proudly.
Undergraduate /
Study different cultures / Playing the guitar [4]
I like this short answer. There's one sentence that I'm not sure what you should do with:
Born musically inclined, playing guitar has influenced me to work hard and to be endearing in my pursuits.
I'm not sure endearing is the word you were thinking of...maybe endure or something of the like. Otherwise the response is okay. Undergraduate /
MIT Essay -- "I am a physics anomaly." [4]
I think this response is GREAT! It reminds me of one that I wrote on being both Haitian and American (although it's not posted on this site). I can totally relate, and I love your writing style.
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