Graduate / Admission Essay Msc in Managerial and Financial Review! [4]

First question, what is the format of essay? 1 or 2? either or neither?
1) Personal statement

Date:XXXXXX
Name:cocomocha
School want to apply:HEC
Course want to apply: Msc in...

body of essay

2)Dear Sir/Madam

body of essay
your sincerely

cocoamocha
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2nd question, please review my essay and give some advices,thanks!!
I am non-english speaker, essay might not be written in idomatic ways, please point out..

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