MacSydney
Sep 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / SAT essay [Do people learn who they are when they are forced into action?] Thanks [5]
Prompt: The people we call heroes do not usually start out as unusual . Often they are ordinary people subject to ordinary human weaknesses-fear, doubt, and self-interest. In fact, they live ordinary lies until they distinguish themselves by having to deal with an injustice or a difficult situation. Only then, when they must respond in thought and in action to an extraordinary challenge, do people begin to know their strengths and weaknesses.
Assignment：Do people learn who they are when they are forced into action?
Many depict heroes as inherently valiant and transcendant, born dedicated to make great achievements. However, people are generally forced into action which can teach them who they are. Even those important can only involuntarily realized who they are.
Consider the valorous and tactful slave leader, Spartacus. He was born a Thracian, but was later entrapped by Roman army as a slave and sent to a gladiator school near Capua. Had it not been for the torment and faint fate of a gladiator, Spartacus may not have plotted the influential rebellion: He summoned some other slaves and made plan of insurrection. Though betrayed, Spartacus, together with other two leaders, Oenomaus and Crixus, led the slaves to escape. After some victories, this slave troop boomed to a total of 70,000 "soldiers". Although they did not, and reasonably could not, defeat the disciplined Roman army and confronted a fiasco in South Italy, in which most of the brave slaves were killed, including Spartacus himself, the spectacular feat of these brave men should be remembered. Spartacus, coerced by the inhumane torment, became a hero and finally fulfilled the tasks he previously didn't realize. He learned who he was during the rebellion against slavery.
Another significant example can be the role America played during the World War II. At the beginning of the war, the whole American society maintained to remain neutral. But such insistence was unrealistic and impossible during that eventful time. When the Japanese airforce attacked Pearl Harbor, destroying tens of American battleships, the sleeping giant in the west was forced into action: the U.S must declared war towards Japan, German and Italy. Since President Roosevelt made the pronouncement, the U.S began to realize its indispensable role in this ferocious war. Finally, it was also U.S that bombed Japan with two atomic bombs, which ended the war. Had it not been for the surreptitious attack to Pearl Harbor, the Americans would not have clearly realized who they were and human history may have been totally different.
The examples of Spartacus and of United States in the World War II are only two of the numerous cases in history which can consolidate my argument. Undoubtedly, people can only learn who they truly are through these involuntary but inevitable actions.
please give comment on sentences structure, vocabulary, consistence or any aspects!!
Thank you for your time! Better score it ;)
Prompt: The people we call heroes do not usually start out as unusual . Often they are ordinary people subject to ordinary human weaknesses-fear, doubt, and self-interest. In fact, they live ordinary lies until they distinguish themselves by having to deal with an injustice or a difficult situation. Only then, when they must respond in thought and in action to an extraordinary challenge, do people begin to know their strengths and weaknesses.
Assignment：Do people learn who they are when they are forced into action?
Many depict heroes as inherently valiant and transcendant, born dedicated to make great achievements. However, people are generally forced into action which can teach them who they are. Even those important can only involuntarily realized who they are.
Consider the valorous and tactful slave leader, Spartacus. He was born a Thracian, but was later entrapped by Roman army as a slave and sent to a gladiator school near Capua. Had it not been for the torment and faint fate of a gladiator, Spartacus may not have plotted the influential rebellion: He summoned some other slaves and made plan of insurrection. Though betrayed, Spartacus, together with other two leaders, Oenomaus and Crixus, led the slaves to escape. After some victories, this slave troop boomed to a total of 70,000 "soldiers". Although they did not, and reasonably could not, defeat the disciplined Roman army and confronted a fiasco in South Italy, in which most of the brave slaves were killed, including Spartacus himself, the spectacular feat of these brave men should be remembered. Spartacus, coerced by the inhumane torment, became a hero and finally fulfilled the tasks he previously didn't realize. He learned who he was during the rebellion against slavery.
Another significant example can be the role America played during the World War II. At the beginning of the war, the whole American society maintained to remain neutral. But such insistence was unrealistic and impossible during that eventful time. When the Japanese airforce attacked Pearl Harbor, destroying tens of American battleships, the sleeping giant in the west was forced into action: the U.S must declared war towards Japan, German and Italy. Since President Roosevelt made the pronouncement, the U.S began to realize its indispensable role in this ferocious war. Finally, it was also U.S that bombed Japan with two atomic bombs, which ended the war. Had it not been for the surreptitious attack to Pearl Harbor, the Americans would not have clearly realized who they were and human history may have been totally different.
The examples of Spartacus and of United States in the World War II are only two of the numerous cases in history which can consolidate my argument. Undoubtedly, people can only learn who they truly are through these involuntary but inevitable actions.
please give comment on sentences structure, vocabulary, consistence or any aspects!!
Thank you for your time! Better score it ;)