phantomdare1
Oct 6, 2012
Writing Feedback / SAT essay -Which is more powerful? Conscience Vs Money, Fame, or Power [NEW]
I would like some feedback on improving this, also, I would like to know what score I would get, what I did wrong, and what readers feel when they read this. I'm afraid I veered off topic on this one, and I didn't put enough examples, so any advice?
Prompt: Is conscience a more powerful motive than money, fame, or power?
Justice prevails over the slightest of materialistic motives. A moral person would never give up his conscience and work for ephemeral goals like money, fame, or power. The consequences of working towards tehse goals are only good in the short-term.
Money is limited. You can only have enough money before you lose it all. A person with a sense of justice would never be motivated by money entirely for selfish reason, and would focus on other values, such as family. As the saying goes, "You can't buy everything with money."
Fame is also only a temporary goal. It's not easy to become popular, and it's definitely not easy to stay popular. Like fashion trends, popularity and game comes and goes very quickly. Or, someone who is popular or famous in one place wouldn't be recognized the same way somewhere else. A desire for full attention can only go so far, but working for a cause and possibly getting recognized for one's efforts can be immortalized.
And lastly, power. One of the main driving forces behind the previous two. Working for money can grant one the power to influence others with money, and fame allows one the power of one's name. A very advantageous ability indeed, but like everyone else, it's only material and will fade. Power can easily be overthrown and taken away, as seen by the many government figures who have been overthrown in history.
Only a person without common sense would go for something so shallow as attention, control, and money. An ability to distinguish right from wrong is much more beneficial than all acts of self.
I would like some feedback on improving this, also, I would like to know what score I would get, what I did wrong, and what readers feel when they read this. I'm afraid I veered off topic on this one, and I didn't put enough examples, so any advice?
Prompt: Is conscience a more powerful motive than money, fame, or power?
Justice prevails over the slightest of materialistic motives. A moral person would never give up his conscience and work for ephemeral goals like money, fame, or power. The consequences of working towards tehse goals are only good in the short-term.
Money is limited. You can only have enough money before you lose it all. A person with a sense of justice would never be motivated by money entirely for selfish reason, and would focus on other values, such as family. As the saying goes, "You can't buy everything with money."
Fame is also only a temporary goal. It's not easy to become popular, and it's definitely not easy to stay popular. Like fashion trends, popularity and game comes and goes very quickly. Or, someone who is popular or famous in one place wouldn't be recognized the same way somewhere else. A desire for full attention can only go so far, but working for a cause and possibly getting recognized for one's efforts can be immortalized.
And lastly, power. One of the main driving forces behind the previous two. Working for money can grant one the power to influence others with money, and fame allows one the power of one's name. A very advantageous ability indeed, but like everyone else, it's only material and will fade. Power can easily be overthrown and taken away, as seen by the many government figures who have been overthrown in history.
Only a person without common sense would go for something so shallow as attention, control, and money. An ability to distinguish right from wrong is much more beneficial than all acts of self.