Yoshimama
Oct 6, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Educate and don't end up like me' - QuestBridge Biographical [2]
Just some changes. I also took out a couple things.
"Whatever you do, Paul, make sure that you complete your education to the fullest, and don't end up like me. I hate myself every day for not listening to my parents as a child." This was typical of the guilt invoking statements that my parents would throw at me whenever I began to slack off. My parents would always encourage me never to give up and always pursue the highest standards of excellence. They would provide me with everything I needed to succeed in my academically strict elementary school. Money didn't seem to be a problem then, simply because of how little I needed. When I entered middle school, I began to develop my passion for learning, and quickly became eager to traverse above and beyond my school's now mundane (because before you said it was challenging) curriculum. I began going to the school's library and gathering as many books about particle physics and chemistry as possible, but these were simply not enough. They were at a middle school level and I gleaned nothing from them. I desperately felt the need to understand the universe and how it worked. I asked my parents if I could buy a few physics books. I could sense their indifference, but they sought to ensure that nothing obstructed the path of my education. I was young and didn't understand the pain that I was causing them.
As I entered high school, my passion for learning only grew, and the deficit of materials in libraries only exacerbated by efforts. High school only brought with it unlimited dues and fees. Clubs, contests and labs all required payment. Our family did not qualify for any sort of fee waiver. Our income was scarcely enough as it was and being an only child made matters only worse.(Maybe explain how) My dad paid for the extra competitions that I entered; he paid for all of the supplies that I needed for classes, all without complaint. But I was older now. I could see the endless costs straining our already precarious financial situation. I wasn't sure what I should do, and I couldn't confide in my parents as they would never admit that money was a problem when education was on the line. I was at a loss for ideas, and it soon developed into a loss for my passions. I stopped ordering books, going to competitions, joining clubs. Those were the dark ages of my high school career, a time of nothing in life but the bare essentials. No joy, no interests. I tried not to think about college. It seemed like a lost dream at the time. If my parents could just pay for a few physics books, how could I even consider college?
Then, one day, during my junior year, my life was returned to me when my physics teacher showed us a Classical Physics lecture from MIT.(rework this sentence) I listened in awe as Walter Lewin explained the most complicated facets of the universe in the most elegant way possible. That day I went home and, slowly, I felt my old passions rushing back to me as I went through more of his lectures. I learned about electricity and magnetism, waves and optics, and quantum mechanics. However, there was still the problem of finances. I could not satisfy my lust for knowledge without books. Almost immediately, my mother came into my room with a letter from an organization named, "QuestBridge." I read the letter, and nearly tossed it into the garbage. An organization that can offer a full ride to the nation's top universities? Obviously too good to be true but I decided to research it anyway. Here I am today, writing this essay. (Rework this last sentence. Maybe say what changed your mind)
I became wiser over time. I did whatever I could to save money wherever possible. I would print out papers at school rather than at home, I would try to get textbooks from other people or places rather than pay for them. Through QuestBridge, I realized how I could pursue my dreams and passions without fear of fiscal issues. I could attend college essentially wherever I wanted now, something that I never even dreamed could be possible. My outlook on life changed that day, and now I can only hope that the values and lessons I learned will help me in shaping my aspirations and remain excited for the challenges that lie ahead. (I don't know how you want this last sentence to sound. It needs rewording)
Good luck!
Just some changes. I also took out a couple things.
"Whatever you do, Paul, make sure that you complete your education to the fullest, and don't end up like me. I hate myself every day for not listening to my parents as a child." This was typical of the guilt invoking statements that my parents would throw at me whenever I began to slack off. My parents would always encourage me never to give up and always pursue the highest standards of excellence. They would provide me with everything I needed to succeed in my academically strict elementary school. Money didn't seem to be a problem then, simply because of how little I needed. When I entered middle school, I began to develop my passion for learning, and quickly became eager to traverse above and beyond my school's now mundane (because before you said it was challenging) curriculum. I began going to the school's library and gathering as many books about particle physics and chemistry as possible, but these were simply not enough. They were at a middle school level and I gleaned nothing from them. I desperately felt the need to understand the universe and how it worked. I asked my parents if I could buy a few physics books. I could sense their indifference, but they sought to ensure that nothing obstructed the path of my education. I was young and didn't understand the pain that I was causing them.
As I entered high school, my passion for learning only grew, and the deficit of materials in libraries only exacerbated by efforts. High school only brought with it unlimited dues and fees. Clubs, contests and labs all required payment. Our family did not qualify for any sort of fee waiver. Our income was scarcely enough as it was and being an only child made matters only worse.(Maybe explain how) My dad paid for the extra competitions that I entered; he paid for all of the supplies that I needed for classes, all without complaint. But I was older now. I could see the endless costs straining our already precarious financial situation. I wasn't sure what I should do, and I couldn't confide in my parents as they would never admit that money was a problem when education was on the line. I was at a loss for ideas, and it soon developed into a loss for my passions. I stopped ordering books, going to competitions, joining clubs. Those were the dark ages of my high school career, a time of nothing in life but the bare essentials. No joy, no interests. I tried not to think about college. It seemed like a lost dream at the time. If my parents could just pay for a few physics books, how could I even consider college?
Then, one day, during my junior year, my life was returned to me when my physics teacher showed us a Classical Physics lecture from MIT.(rework this sentence) I listened in awe as Walter Lewin explained the most complicated facets of the universe in the most elegant way possible. That day I went home and, slowly, I felt my old passions rushing back to me as I went through more of his lectures. I learned about electricity and magnetism, waves and optics, and quantum mechanics. However, there was still the problem of finances. I could not satisfy my lust for knowledge without books. Almost immediately, my mother came into my room with a letter from an organization named, "QuestBridge." I read the letter, and nearly tossed it into the garbage. An organization that can offer a full ride to the nation's top universities? Obviously too good to be true but I decided to research it anyway. Here I am today, writing this essay. (Rework this last sentence. Maybe say what changed your mind)
I became wiser over time. I did whatever I could to save money wherever possible. I would print out papers at school rather than at home, I would try to get textbooks from other people or places rather than pay for them. Through QuestBridge, I realized how I could pursue my dreams and passions without fear of fiscal issues. I could attend college essentially wherever I wanted now, something that I never even dreamed could be possible. My outlook on life changed that day, and now I can only hope that the values and lessons I learned will help me in shaping my aspirations and remain excited for the challenges that lie ahead. (I don't know how you want this last sentence to sound. It needs rewording)
Good luck!