skinbag
Oct 9, 2012
Writing Feedback / "Traditional Market"- Narration for a theme : Look before you leap [2]
Shopping with my mother in traditional market has become a nightmare for me recently.
- Recently, shopping in Traditional market with my mother has become a nightmare.Eh, I don't know. Your choice.
For a long time, Traditional market which locates in
the central of the town is always the first choice for our Saturday routine.
- Located in the town's central, going to Traditional market is the first thing we do for our Saturday routine.
It is because Saturday is the most prosperous that almost all vendors
from different areas will gather at among other weekdays.
- Because Saturday is the most prosperous day...(Continue here)I don't understand the sentence here...
However, something happenedlast Saturday when we last paid a visit to the market. Hm, seems decent. :3
The market was still full of noisy sounds. The vendors shouted loudly to attract customers. Stinky smell of fish mixed with the fragrance of newly-picked
flowers.
The blood stain of the animals was the normal scene when people stopped by the meat booths.
- The familiar scene of bloodstain from animals was seen with people stopping by the meat booths.
Suddenly, we noticedthat a strange stand
that we had neversawseenit before at the end of the road. There were many pieces of colorful cloths hanging around,(hanging around what?)along with a painted wooden board painted two wordsthat read
"Magic Cloths". We stood in front of the stand and surprisingly enough, the vendor amazed us by turning those cloths into vestsorand scarves without sewing.
With the vendor's expressive language, my mother and I undoubtedlydecided to buybought ten pieces of cloths undoubtedly . When we unwrapped them at home and tried as
the same aswhat the vendor did, what we found out it was merely a fraud. They arewere no more than just pieces of cloth with beautiful patterns. We lost one thousand
because oftheour carelessness. Until now, those "Magic Cloths" hanging in my room keep reminding us of this mistake without thinking twice.
Hopefully, this didn't butcher your writing, cuz that's the last thing I want to do. It is totally up to YOU if you want to use what I edited... If not, that's completely fine. :3
Hoped I helped.
Shopping with my mother in traditional market has become a nightmare for me recently.
- Recently, shopping in Traditional market with my mother has become a nightmare.Eh, I don't know. Your choice.
For a long time, Traditional market which locates in
the central of the town is always the first choice for our Saturday routine.
- Located in the town's central, going to Traditional market is the first thing we do for our Saturday routine.
It is because Saturday is the most prosperous that almost all vendors
from different areas will gather at among other weekdays.
- Because Saturday is the most prosperous day...(Continue here)I don't understand the sentence here...
However, something happened
The market was still full of noisy sounds. The vendors shouted loudly to attract customers. Stinky smell of fish mixed with the fragrance of newly-picked
flowers.
The blood stain of the animals was the normal scene when people stopped by the meat booths.
- The familiar scene of bloodstain from animals was seen with people stopping by the meat booths.
Suddenly, we noticed
that we had never
"Magic Cloths". We stood in front of the stand and surprisingly enough, the vendor amazed us by turning those cloths into vests
With the vendor's expressive language, my mother and I undoubtedly
the same as
because of
Hopefully, this didn't butcher your writing, cuz that's the last thing I want to do. It is totally up to YOU if you want to use what I edited... If not, that's completely fine. :3
Hoped I helped.
