Writing Feedback / Narrative essay about the time I went on a date with my current boyfriend / "Shelby" [2]

What is the prompt?
For the first paragraph, I'd recheck the punctuation. You might want to replace some semicolons with hyphens (ie "I experience magic--our magic") or revise the sentences because your use of semicolons is incorrect. If I'm not mistaken, they are used to separate two clauses rather than incomplete phrases.

More corrections: "It was a Saturday" not "Saturdays."
"Tall and thin, pale, dark curly hair, and with beautiful hazel nut eyes; He was doll." I would rewrite "Tall, pale, and thin with dark curly hair and hazelnut eyes; he was a doll."

"I felt like as if I were in a movie, playing the role of the teenage rebel..."
Again, I think you should revise punctuation. In my personal opinion, you could narrow down the use of semicolons. Another note: sometimes you didn't capitalize the name Shelby.

Otherwise it's well written, though it can be more concise. My question is: is your prompt supposed to reveal something about your own character or another? Because there is little characterization of the narrator in this story, which isn't a problem unless the prompt asks otherwise.

PS: could you please give feedback on one of my essays? :)