jissica
Oct 16, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Growing and maturing without a father' - Commonapp PS-feedback [2]
Common App Essay- In 250-500 words, indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
Please criticize my essay!!
As a child, I have witnessed the hard struggle of a mother and a great woman. I contribute who I am today to her.
Our life was initially fulfilled with hardships and difficulties because my dad was framed and then imprisoned. That day seeing my father brought away by the police car, I was overwhelmed with horror. "What would become of our life without father?" At that night my mother said to me, "Now there are only two people in our family. Don't be afraid, I will work harder to give you a normal life." Her determined look infused in me great consolation.
However, life had been awfully changed. With all the wealth of the family confiscated, we became poor overnight. In order to survive, mother, a former housewife began to trade carpets to the hotels and newly-built offices. No matter how far was the destination, the old bicycle was the only means of transport, in all weathers. To me, the change freaked me out. I had to wear patched clothes, having no more the beautiful clothes my father bought for me whenever back from business trip; having little pocket money, I could no longer invite my friends to eat ice cream; with father put into prison, I had to go home by bus instead of taking his car. All of a sudden, strong sense of inferiority made me silent. I refused to talk with my friends, lingered in the classroom after school, fearing to see other parents bring their kids home, and cried often at night, missing my father and the good old days.
Mother saw my changes and I knew she worried me. But I could not help myself. Once when I rummaged about in the drawer, I saw a letter written by mother to my father which had not been finished. "Huanhuan came first once again in the math test. I awarded her with a lollipop. Yesterday, we had noodles in the restaurant we often went to. They were delicious...We adopt a stray cat and we call it Xiaobao. It's very lovely..." After reading the letter, I was choked with emotions. I had expected to see lots of complaints and grievances in it. however, what I saw was only a sanguine soul of tolerance and contentment. From that day on, I decided to throw away the self-indulged sorrow and be a brave and positive girl. Hard was the process, mother's help sweetened it.
Under the encouragement of mother, I joined in the school chorus team and have represented the school to perform in many countries such as Germany and Austria. Besides, I was an active volunteer who visited the leukemia-stricken kids every weekend. Being cheerful and positive, I have many friends. Most importantly, I become calmer to handle failures and difficulties, seeing them a chance for further improvement.
Growing without a father, I become mature earlier than my peers. But I barely got lost, and it is my mother who inverted my destiny. It is my mother's adamancy, her persistence and her optimistic attitude that form the person who I am today; otherwise I may turn out to be a strayed teenage who is trapped in the dark, isolated and cynical.
Common App Essay- In 250-500 words, indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
Please criticize my essay!!
As a child, I have witnessed the hard struggle of a mother and a great woman. I contribute who I am today to her.
Our life was initially fulfilled with hardships and difficulties because my dad was framed and then imprisoned. That day seeing my father brought away by the police car, I was overwhelmed with horror. "What would become of our life without father?" At that night my mother said to me, "Now there are only two people in our family. Don't be afraid, I will work harder to give you a normal life." Her determined look infused in me great consolation.
However, life had been awfully changed. With all the wealth of the family confiscated, we became poor overnight. In order to survive, mother, a former housewife began to trade carpets to the hotels and newly-built offices. No matter how far was the destination, the old bicycle was the only means of transport, in all weathers. To me, the change freaked me out. I had to wear patched clothes, having no more the beautiful clothes my father bought for me whenever back from business trip; having little pocket money, I could no longer invite my friends to eat ice cream; with father put into prison, I had to go home by bus instead of taking his car. All of a sudden, strong sense of inferiority made me silent. I refused to talk with my friends, lingered in the classroom after school, fearing to see other parents bring their kids home, and cried often at night, missing my father and the good old days.
Mother saw my changes and I knew she worried me. But I could not help myself. Once when I rummaged about in the drawer, I saw a letter written by mother to my father which had not been finished. "Huanhuan came first once again in the math test. I awarded her with a lollipop. Yesterday, we had noodles in the restaurant we often went to. They were delicious...We adopt a stray cat and we call it Xiaobao. It's very lovely..." After reading the letter, I was choked with emotions. I had expected to see lots of complaints and grievances in it. however, what I saw was only a sanguine soul of tolerance and contentment. From that day on, I decided to throw away the self-indulged sorrow and be a brave and positive girl. Hard was the process, mother's help sweetened it.
Under the encouragement of mother, I joined in the school chorus team and have represented the school to perform in many countries such as Germany and Austria. Besides, I was an active volunteer who visited the leukemia-stricken kids every weekend. Being cheerful and positive, I have many friends. Most importantly, I become calmer to handle failures and difficulties, seeing them a chance for further improvement.
Growing without a father, I become mature earlier than my peers. But I barely got lost, and it is my mother who inverted my destiny. It is my mother's adamancy, her persistence and her optimistic attitude that form the person who I am today; otherwise I may turn out to be a strayed teenage who is trapped in the dark, isolated and cynical.