crz_keane
Oct 20, 2012
Graduate / An SOP draft to be used on the OTCAS system - what do you think of it? [3]
Good organization and paragraphing.
Good organization and paragraphing.
crz_keane
Oct 20, 2012
Essays / Essay on university access opportunities for women and men [2]
I think you did it well on this essay. Ideas are well-organized and the example is appropriate to support the main point.
I think you did it well on this essay. Ideas are well-organized and the example is appropriate to support the main point.
crz_keane
Oct 20, 2012
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Attending a live performance vs. TV? 'live football game at a stadium' [NEW]
Hi everyone, I'm preparing for TOEFL iBT test. Please help me to improve my writing skills.
This is my first practice essay. Please show me what I have done well and what I need to improve.
PROMPT: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (a play, concert, sporting event, etc) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
ESSAY:
Have you ever traveled along to support your home football team during tournaments? Have you attended at a stadium to watch your team's match, yell or even cry with the team and their thousands of fans there? If you have a great love with football and your home team, it is much more gratifying to stay side by side and cheer up the team at the stadium rather than just to stay at home and watch the match alone.
First, attending a live football match is very fulfilling. Before the match starts, thousands of fans gathering outside of the stadium with team flags, colorful outfits, sound of trumpets and rattles... everywhere. As the game kicks off, the atmosphere inside the stadium is even more exciting. You are watching football stars play the game with your own eyes and sharing your feelings with about 40,000 people at the stadium, such an excitement you can never have when you are watching it at home. Everybody yells and sings together, the stadium is like bursted out whenever a goal is scored. See, you will be bored if you are watching it alone.
Second, watching a live football game is an exceptional experience. You can watch it at home, but "easy come, easy go", you will quickly forget it, like a movie. The tickets to get in the stadium may be a little expensive, but you will gain much more entertainment value from the game. You can cherish your experience for a long time. Furthermore, it can be an exclusive experience. If it is a crucial win to acclaim a trophy, you will be "on site" to witness and celebrate the victory.
In conclusion, watch a football match on television it is comfortable and pleasing, but watching the match live at the stadium is more enjoyable. It can be unforgettable moments in your life.
Hi everyone, I'm preparing for TOEFL iBT test. Please help me to improve my writing skills.
This is my first practice essay. Please show me what I have done well and what I need to improve.
PROMPT: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (a play, concert, sporting event, etc) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
ESSAY:
Have you ever traveled along to support your home football team during tournaments? Have you attended at a stadium to watch your team's match, yell or even cry with the team and their thousands of fans there? If you have a great love with football and your home team, it is much more gratifying to stay side by side and cheer up the team at the stadium rather than just to stay at home and watch the match alone.
First, attending a live football match is very fulfilling. Before the match starts, thousands of fans gathering outside of the stadium with team flags, colorful outfits, sound of trumpets and rattles... everywhere. As the game kicks off, the atmosphere inside the stadium is even more exciting. You are watching football stars play the game with your own eyes and sharing your feelings with about 40,000 people at the stadium, such an excitement you can never have when you are watching it at home. Everybody yells and sings together, the stadium is like bursted out whenever a goal is scored. See, you will be bored if you are watching it alone.
Second, watching a live football game is an exceptional experience. You can watch it at home, but "easy come, easy go", you will quickly forget it, like a movie. The tickets to get in the stadium may be a little expensive, but you will gain much more entertainment value from the game. You can cherish your experience for a long time. Furthermore, it can be an exclusive experience. If it is a crucial win to acclaim a trophy, you will be "on site" to witness and celebrate the victory.
In conclusion, watch a football match on television it is comfortable and pleasing, but watching the match live at the stadium is more enjoyable. It can be unforgettable moments in your life.
crz_keane
Oct 20, 2012
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Choose friends who are similar to yourself or different from yourself? [NEW]
Hi everyone, I'm preparing for TOEFL iBT test. Please help me to improve my writing skills.
This is my second practice essay. Please show me what I have done well and what I need to improve.
PROMPT: Some people choose friends who are different from themselves, while others choose friends who are similar to themselves. Do you usually choose friends similar to yourself or different from yourself? Which type have you made the closest friendships with?
ESSAY
We all have our own friends, they can be either similar or different from us. Friends who are similar to us usually share the same ideas and hobbies while those friends with different lifestyles may give an interesting look of the world we are living in. In my opinion, I appreciate all of my friends, but I prefer to spend my time with those who are different from me.
First, I can learn so many new things from them. They usually show various hobbies and habits that make up a diverse group of friends, like a colorful animated picture. Being friend with them, we can learn many things. They can show you how to do the same thing in different ways. You can also follow them into many activities, try something brand-new that you have never tried before, thus you can discover yourself and become better. I have a friend who has a great passion in wave surfing while I was really scared of it. I would rather swim or lie on the beach all day long than risk myself trying that thing. He talked to me again and again about it, and finally convinced me just tried it for once. But then I completely fell in love with waves and surfing, I could do it all day! I regretted not trying it earlier, and I realized that I was stronger and braver than I had thought.
Second, friends with different inclinations and talents can get us motivated. They have different conceptions of life, interacting with them will help you form a bigger picture of the world. They have unique ideas and never stop creating new values in hope of making the world a better place. Keep your eye on what and how they are doing, you will get inspired. You will be in a mood of ready to act and create. Few of my friends are social workers, they take part in many activities, travel to a lot of states and regions, help many people in poverty... I just spent most of my time around campus, but looking at what my friends were doing, I found my responsibility to the community and I had no right to do less than them. Then I've been a social worker, working everyday helped other people make their dreams come true.
Good friends are among the best things one has in life. Friends with different characteristics are interesting, but we also need those who are similar to us. The important thing is that we and our friends should be in harmony, and have great times together.
Hi everyone, I'm preparing for TOEFL iBT test. Please help me to improve my writing skills.
This is my second practice essay. Please show me what I have done well and what I need to improve.
PROMPT: Some people choose friends who are different from themselves, while others choose friends who are similar to themselves. Do you usually choose friends similar to yourself or different from yourself? Which type have you made the closest friendships with?
ESSAY
We all have our own friends, they can be either similar or different from us. Friends who are similar to us usually share the same ideas and hobbies while those friends with different lifestyles may give an interesting look of the world we are living in. In my opinion, I appreciate all of my friends, but I prefer to spend my time with those who are different from me.
First, I can learn so many new things from them. They usually show various hobbies and habits that make up a diverse group of friends, like a colorful animated picture. Being friend with them, we can learn many things. They can show you how to do the same thing in different ways. You can also follow them into many activities, try something brand-new that you have never tried before, thus you can discover yourself and become better. I have a friend who has a great passion in wave surfing while I was really scared of it. I would rather swim or lie on the beach all day long than risk myself trying that thing. He talked to me again and again about it, and finally convinced me just tried it for once. But then I completely fell in love with waves and surfing, I could do it all day! I regretted not trying it earlier, and I realized that I was stronger and braver than I had thought.
Second, friends with different inclinations and talents can get us motivated. They have different conceptions of life, interacting with them will help you form a bigger picture of the world. They have unique ideas and never stop creating new values in hope of making the world a better place. Keep your eye on what and how they are doing, you will get inspired. You will be in a mood of ready to act and create. Few of my friends are social workers, they take part in many activities, travel to a lot of states and regions, help many people in poverty... I just spent most of my time around campus, but looking at what my friends were doing, I found my responsibility to the community and I had no right to do less than them. Then I've been a social worker, working everyday helped other people make their dreams come true.
Good friends are among the best things one has in life. Friends with different characteristics are interesting, but we also need those who are similar to us. The important thing is that we and our friends should be in harmony, and have great times together.