Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [414]

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Writing Feedback / Diamonds are unflinchingly hard; Students and Stress [2]

Inside the brick walls, around the lines of lockers, between the rows of desks and within the minds of high school students, a war rages on. The war has been silent for the most part, with battles occurring internally, save for the occasional outburst or breakdown. The enemy is stealthy and omniscient, slowly tearing away everything they once were. Amidst this scene of carnage and chaos, facing a vague enemy and uncertain battle, is the average high school student, a lone fighter against the stress brought on to them.

Every attack and every battle results an increase of pressure on high school students. Pressure is brought on by colleges, parents, teachers, even the students themselves. This ongoing war causes students to buckle under the pressure of their everyday lives. Students are encouraged by adults to be involved; join clubs, do sports, and make friends. We are expected to work like adults, but still are told to have fun while we our young. We are told to get our homework done, but to work hard to succeed in our sports or band performances. How is a student expected to succeed in school, sports, clubs, and have fun without enough hours in the day? How is a student expected to enjoy their childhood while they are still expected to act like an adult? How is a student expected to be the best they can with the immense pressure building upon them?

Plain graphite, when put under immense pressure, turns into valuable diamonds. High school is the stage between normal graphite and sparkling jewels, when the immense pressure is applied. Without pressure, no diamonds are produced -- but high school students are not as durable as graphite or as brilliant as diamonds.

Diamonds are unflinchingly hard, but high school is a soft and impressionable time of malleable minds unable to handle extreme pressure. Each high school student is a gem in their own right, through their own personality and experiences, individual and unique, and the pressure placed upon them is unnecessary and detrimental. There are expectations -- so many new standards, bars set unimaginably high, raised by parents who push them to their full potential, teachers who believe in success, siblings or acquaintances who have already succeeded, and peers engaged in a mysterious competition for an unknown title.

The first siege comes from the very institution itself, the physical building and invisible atmosphere of high school, the main battlegrounds of the war against pressure. Only for most, it's a losing battle, a one-sided fight that ends with pressure overwhelming high school students. However this war does not need to wage on forever. The battlegrounds can be changed to aid the high school student. There are many ways to make peace with stress; school can help students combat their stress.

Ways to relieve stress include no homework nights, stress reduction days, stress free festivals, therapy dogs, wellness rooms, and short breaks in the days. These concepts have been incorporated into school all over the United States. Not only have they been used, but they have succeeded.

No homework nights (when no teachers assigns homework) could be given once a month to help students relax. Stress reduction days are used at Lexington High School in Massachusetts. During these stress reduction days, students can do yoga, listen to music, and work on or view art work. Newark's Central High School has Stress-Free festivals where students learn about mental health and can do yoga or meditation. Prospect High School has a therapy dog for students who are feeling over whelmed, therapy dogs are known to suppress stress in all ages. Lastly, Belfast Area High School renovated an old art room into a wellness room where students can have massages, listen to relaxing music, meditate, and do yoga.

Our school would greatly benefit from these ideas to end the war against stress. Students will be able to call a ceasefire in a war that won't be defeated by surrendering to pressure, but instead defying it. With the help of teachers and administrators, our school will be a battlefield tailored to students. Making them able to defeat stress in this ongoing war.

Undergraduate / I have seen my father's struggle to give me the best education; UC Personal Statement [2]

Personal Statement #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

From an early age, I have seen my father struggle to give me the best education possible. He has always encouraged me to be persistent and dedicated in every goal I set. His hard work and perseverance inspired me to pursue a political science degree and to strive for success in all aspects of my life.

For most of my life, I was raised in Mexicali, Mexico. Due to the lack of opportunities in Mexico, I decided to move to California for a better chance of a prosperous future. At first, my parents were not ecstatic about the idea, but I persuaded them until they finally agreed. Once I made that decision, there were no limitations; there were no barriers to keep me from making my own choices. From then on, I began a new chapter of my life.

I never imagined that migrating to a different country could drastically shape my world. The first few months were tough, due to the completely new environment. Adjusting to this new life was a challenge because I was no longer living with my parents. They would no longer be beside me to encourage and support me through difficult times. Many times I felt like giving up. However, when I felt discouraged I recalled what my father had told me before I left Mexico; he urged me to never give up and to remember that money [does not] bring happiness.

Although I knew I wanted to go to college and pursue a profession, I highly desired to study something that would allow me to reach my full potential. I have always had an interest in becoming a leader, but I [was not] sure what path I wanted to follow. Coming from a country where the with a lack of opportunities and the odds of going to an institution of higher education are slim, has inspired me to do something for the people who are going through similar circumstances. For that reason, I have decided to pursue a major in political science.

One thing that really changed my mentality about what major I wanted to pursue was the fact that when I saw my dad coming back from work, he would tell me to never despair and to persist in achieving my goals despite the hard circumstances in life. Every time I feel discouraged, I look back at the time when I was living in Mexico and I think about being successful in the future.

In consideration of the profession I want to follow, I have joined several clubs at my high school. Being involved in clubs, such as Senior Council and being the secretary of the club, has triggered my interest in becoming a leader not only at school, but in my community as well. I know it will take a lot of effort and commitment, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to achieve the goal of becoming a political scientist.

I have learned from my experiences that it is important to not lose focus on an objective and to be ambitious in my dreams. Furthermore, I have assimilated the idea that achieving the "American Dream" will not be easy. Although the circumstances were not easy and I had to sacrifice being with my family, I can say I have learned to be more independent and to push through any adverse situation.

As I move forward in my life, it is my wish to go back to Mexico and show to my father that all his hard work, tenacity, and sacrifice was worth it. I will continue to do everything I need to do in order to reach all my goals and grow as an outstanding professional. I won't settle for the bare minimum, I will always be looking for different ways to excel in everything.

Undergraduate / RYLA & Interact club of West Orange High School; UF Admission/ Meaningful experience [2]

My essay for UF
Any corrections, comments and suggestions are appreciated!!!
Thank you so much!!

500 WORDS: In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

Four days [of what?] , 120 students, and an inseparable bond. As a member of the Interact club of West Orange High School, I was selected by our sponsor to attend the annual Rotary Youth Leadership Awards, also known as RYLA. RYLA is a four day camp that includes sport activities, but mostly it consisted ofincluded leadership and team building workshops. One activity stood out to me, like a red sock in a load of whites. I walked into the a room not knowing what to expect. I came out with an entirely different perspective of life.

This group activity was called "The Walk of Courage." Our group leader started asking people questions such as "What are some typical stereotypes that people usually label you with?" and "How do you feel when they ask you those stereotypical questions?" It started with male athletes, then female athletes and went all the way to race and ethnicity; then it got as serious as any group talk could get. When we were asked, "How many of you live in a non-typical American family?" just about all the hands went up. I heard everything from "A family member died from cancer" to "My sister and I were born with birth defects because my mom loved drugs more than us."

After a few people started confessing their situations, I took a good look around. The happy expressions flew out of the room, and sympathetic tears flew right in. I then realized,that I was no longer alone. While we were all from different backgrounds and lifestyles, we all came together, to be there for each other. I have never shed so many tears in front offor strangers before. Nor have I ever seen so many strangers cry in front of each other. Here we were, telling strangers things that we would never even tell our best friends.

Everyone walks around with smiling faces, but is that really the reality? Everyone is suffering in his or her own way. Everyone has his or her problems, but some are just better at hiding it than others. But here, at this moment, everyone broke down their walls, took off their masks, and revealed the side that they would never show [you are using present tense when you were you past tense] . We all had our own issues, but, as a group, we cried together, we were there for each other, and we helped each other in ways that didn't did not seem possible for a group of strangers. This was unity in diversity. My experience at RYLA made me feel like I got have special glasses that allow me to see past what I couldn't could not see before. My perspective of the world has changed. I used to only see the fake expressions but now, I strive to see past the smile and into the heart.

College will be a new experience for me in aspects of being independent and leaving home. But I will leave home for UF with an open mind, open heart, and open arms. [We usually do not begin sentences with because] Because RYLA has taught me that while we might be strangers, we are not so different after all.