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Posts by boy561
Joined: Nov 26, 2012
Last Post: Nov 26, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 2
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boy561   
Nov 26, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Becoming a doctor to help community' - personal statement 2 for UC fashion addiction [2]

Please help me on this, the deadline is only 5 days left !!!! Please be harsh and critique it as much as possible

When I was in junior high, I was addicted to fashion. I skipped meals, wasted my money on clothing and spent a huge regretful amount of time to look at magazines and fashion design on the internet. That was some of the consequences that I had due to my addiction to fashion. I spent hours and hours of time going around all the websites to look at clothing, new trends, and fashion tutorial. I was in top students in my class not until I got to junior high, when my peers were all dressed up so nice and glamorous. I started to have the idea that I need to look good and stand out from the crowd. I wanted to become a fashion leader and to get attention from people. Thus, every day after school instead of participating to sport or studying I decided to spend my entire spare time to look at new fashion line and listened all the junk fashion interviews. I didn't touch my pack back since the time that I got home till the time I left.

My grade dropped dramatically and my social life was a bazaar. The lack of study had dragged my score down that I didn't even realized, I couldn't concentrate in class or listen to my teachers. I isolated myself from people and rejected so many opportunities. My parents and my teacher started to question me but I couldn't help myself from my addiction. I was in my own labyrinth. It was my fault that I could have kept myself from jealousy and temptation.

Everything changed when I came to high school; I realized that it was a childish idea. I figured out that looking at fashion all the time was affected to my social life and my academic work. Even though it took me a long time to realized and overcome my addiction, I was still really thankful to learn from that experience. People learnt from their mistakes and so did I. It was hard for me to quit shopping but I got my family encouragement. I realized I needed to manage my time more wisely and use my time in a better way. I spent time on playing sports, studying and volunteering at community centers. I enjoyed tutoring children and helping them on their math home work. I sang and danced and told jokes to elder people to make them laugh. I found to use myself in a better way. I knew that I could help my community in different ways. I wanted to become a doctor to take care of my patients and help them as I helped the people in the community center.

This is my accomplishment and also my experience that I feel really proud of. It makes become a better person, who is out-going, ambitious and involving in social activities. Overcoming this obstacle give me a good lesson that I will never forget and will carry on in life. Without my parents, I need to take the responsibility for my action, my addiction to shopping.
boy561   
Nov 26, 2012
Undergraduate / 'our journey is on divorce' - UT AustinTopic A & UC Prompt 1 [12]

I think your essay fits to UT Austin instead of UC. You talk about your mom mostly in your essay, which tells nothing about you, remember you need to be the center of the essay not your mom. I feel like I know about your mom better than you after reading your personal statement. You should describe more about how your mom shapes your dream and aspiration.
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