CTownsley93
Jan 28, 2013
Essays / A short satirical essay on old people. [2]
Cooper Townsley
Mr. Pope
English 1320
Jan. 28, 2013
524 Words
The Elderly
Growing up, children are taught to respect those who are older than them, emphasizing parents and grandparents. This is a fine moral value to instill on a child but once that child begins to age, he or she will begin to see the truth behind the lies. As people age their minds begin to deteriorate leading to bad motor skills, forgetfulness, and irrational thinking, causing society to view them as a crazy nuisance.
Having refined motor skills is imperative to lead an active lifestyle. Unless a person does nothing but sit in front of a TV all day, they need to possess them. Old people do not have very good motor skills. This is why it's not that much fun to play catch with Grandpa or go to the grocery store with Nana behind the wheel. All the government would have to do to get answers out of terrorists is to strap one in to the front seat of my grandmother's car while she drifts between lanes with no blinker. This s a testament to the lack of motor skills possessed by my grandmother and other grandparents, or old people in general. I say strip their licenses so responsible coordinated drivers like myself are not put in harm's way.
We've all heard that one story Grandpa repeats every time we see him, or maybe heard of somebody that bummed twenty bucks off of Granny five times in one evening. This is because old people are worthless when it comes to memory, at least short term. I just want to know how Paw's week went, not how he dodged the draft in the sixties to drop acid and live in a van. What use do I have for an old man who can't drive and doesn't remember my first name? If Gran Gran calls my Billy one more time she's going to the nursing home, as should all elderly who don't know what day of the week it is.
As most children growing up did, I would trick or treat in my neighborhood with all the other kids on Halloween. We all knew what houses yielded the greatest rewards, and which ones to avoid. Most neighborhoods have that one house where either Old Man Jenkins or Crazy Pete lives. Needless to say we didn't go to those houses for fear of the crotchety old people inside. Once irrational attacks, verbal or otherwise, are directed at the kids of the neighborhood, its time. Just send them down to Shaky Acres Nursing Home, out of sight and out of mind.
Old people cause more problems than they solve. Yes, at one time they were the ones putting up with their elderly, but now time has unjustly punished yet another generation of hard working people by making them old. The time has come to put them in homes and let them mingle with others of the same level of sanity. Meanwhile the rest of the world can move on and be productive, no longer having to spoon feed Granny or dodge Paw on the interstate.
Cooper Townsley
Mr. Pope
English 1320
Jan. 28, 2013
524 Words
The Elderly
Growing up, children are taught to respect those who are older than them, emphasizing parents and grandparents. This is a fine moral value to instill on a child but once that child begins to age, he or she will begin to see the truth behind the lies. As people age their minds begin to deteriorate leading to bad motor skills, forgetfulness, and irrational thinking, causing society to view them as a crazy nuisance.
Having refined motor skills is imperative to lead an active lifestyle. Unless a person does nothing but sit in front of a TV all day, they need to possess them. Old people do not have very good motor skills. This is why it's not that much fun to play catch with Grandpa or go to the grocery store with Nana behind the wheel. All the government would have to do to get answers out of terrorists is to strap one in to the front seat of my grandmother's car while she drifts between lanes with no blinker. This s a testament to the lack of motor skills possessed by my grandmother and other grandparents, or old people in general. I say strip their licenses so responsible coordinated drivers like myself are not put in harm's way.
We've all heard that one story Grandpa repeats every time we see him, or maybe heard of somebody that bummed twenty bucks off of Granny five times in one evening. This is because old people are worthless when it comes to memory, at least short term. I just want to know how Paw's week went, not how he dodged the draft in the sixties to drop acid and live in a van. What use do I have for an old man who can't drive and doesn't remember my first name? If Gran Gran calls my Billy one more time she's going to the nursing home, as should all elderly who don't know what day of the week it is.
As most children growing up did, I would trick or treat in my neighborhood with all the other kids on Halloween. We all knew what houses yielded the greatest rewards, and which ones to avoid. Most neighborhoods have that one house where either Old Man Jenkins or Crazy Pete lives. Needless to say we didn't go to those houses for fear of the crotchety old people inside. Once irrational attacks, verbal or otherwise, are directed at the kids of the neighborhood, its time. Just send them down to Shaky Acres Nursing Home, out of sight and out of mind.
Old people cause more problems than they solve. Yes, at one time they were the ones putting up with their elderly, but now time has unjustly punished yet another generation of hard working people by making them old. The time has come to put them in homes and let them mingle with others of the same level of sanity. Meanwhile the rest of the world can move on and be productive, no longer having to spoon feed Granny or dodge Paw on the interstate.