SarahA
Feb 3, 2013
Undergraduate / TRAVEL to the USA; Umass Lowell & Umass Amherst -EXTRACURRICULAR/ WORK EXP [9]
I found your writing interesting and the ideas were clearly stated.I would like to comment in the style of writing ,,, I think you can work more on your organizing of the essay .i.e. The focus on the Hook at the beginning of the introduction ,and the body paragraphs arrangement.
,, here I think you've started into depth fast..
The other things are related to minor grammatical mistakes but I believe you will be able to manage them.
Good luck .
I found your writing interesting and the ideas were clearly stated.I would like to comment in the style of writing ,,, I think you can work more on your organizing of the essay .i.e. The focus on the Hook at the beginning of the introduction ,and the body paragraphs arrangement.
To me, success is the ability to reach the goals that you truly want to reach. For a long time, I
thought my true goals were to be rich and have a great job until I came to the realization that I
needed things that are beyond the materialistic.
thought my true goals were to be rich and have a great job until I came to the realization that I
needed things that are beyond the materialistic.
,, here I think you've started into depth fast..
The other things are related to minor grammatical mistakes but I believe you will be able to manage them.
Good luck .
