denis_as
Mar 28, 2013
Writing Feedback / We are rational individuals and our lives should be driven rather by reason than immediate instincts [8]
IELTS Writing Task 2; How people perceive Change?
Hello!
I'm a non-native English speaker, and, despite the fact I consider my English level to be pretty high (actually, it's C1), I would kindly ask you to be patient and friendly (still, if I make mistakes - do not hesitate to draw my attention to them!). Well, I'm writing here as I need some assistance, preferably from native speakers and IELTS teachers. I'm planning to take the IELTS in one-two years' time, but I have decided to start preparing for it as early as possible, so I'm already doing some tasks in order to get acquainted with the specificity of the exam as well as train some essential skills for it.
You see, the problem is that I'm a student of humanities, so sometimes I might be unreasonably verbose and pretty abstract. Probably, this is the main reason why I cannot evaluate my writings objectively. I just got used to writing long papers, including there as many words as possible, while the ideal IELTS writing should be precise and concise.
I'd be truly grateful if somebody could read and correct my essay as well as write a short comment on my weak points. You can find the essay below.
Write about the following topic:
Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
In our globalized world, where the pace of life has increased dramatically, changes are unavoidable. While some people endeavor to minimize changes in their lives, others are eager to have new experiences. This issue is really a two-edged sword and the choice either to remain living without changes or try to change a life completely depends upon a person.
On the one hand, people should be aware of the fact that changes are inevitable. It is believed that people changing nothing in their lives foredoom themselves to stagnation as new experiences and impressions are mandatory for personal development. Thus, individuals who do not understand it never avoid the chance to try something new even if it might seem to a certain extent dangerous or impossible. In a nutshell, changes provide people with the opportunity to know themselves better as well as acquire new skills and priceless experience.
On the other hand, it is beyond doubt that changes do not always lead to success. There are numerous examples in which people pursuing new experiences have lost everything they had before. This is especially common among teenagers who do not value their present posessions and driven by the desire to change their lives completely end up with nothing. This example obviously illustrates the statement that sometimes changes may cause negative effect.
To conclude, I am strongly convinced that we are rational individuals and our lives should be driven rather by reason than immediate instincts. Never should people sacrifice their present lives unless they are completely certain they will only benefit from it.
I know that my essay is too abstract, that's why I've tried to make it "more real" (adding the example with teenagers which, frankly speaking, sounds silly to me ). Anyway, I'm truly interested in your comments and remarks. By the way, it was written in 25 minutes.
Thanks in advance!
IELTS Writing Task 2; How people perceive Change?
Hello!
I'm a non-native English speaker, and, despite the fact I consider my English level to be pretty high (actually, it's C1), I would kindly ask you to be patient and friendly (still, if I make mistakes - do not hesitate to draw my attention to them!). Well, I'm writing here as I need some assistance, preferably from native speakers and IELTS teachers. I'm planning to take the IELTS in one-two years' time, but I have decided to start preparing for it as early as possible, so I'm already doing some tasks in order to get acquainted with the specificity of the exam as well as train some essential skills for it.
You see, the problem is that I'm a student of humanities, so sometimes I might be unreasonably verbose and pretty abstract. Probably, this is the main reason why I cannot evaluate my writings objectively. I just got used to writing long papers, including there as many words as possible, while the ideal IELTS writing should be precise and concise.
I'd be truly grateful if somebody could read and correct my essay as well as write a short comment on my weak points. You can find the essay below.
Write about the following topic:
Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
In our globalized world, where the pace of life has increased dramatically, changes are unavoidable. While some people endeavor to minimize changes in their lives, others are eager to have new experiences. This issue is really a two-edged sword and the choice either to remain living without changes or try to change a life completely depends upon a person.
On the one hand, people should be aware of the fact that changes are inevitable. It is believed that people changing nothing in their lives foredoom themselves to stagnation as new experiences and impressions are mandatory for personal development. Thus, individuals who do not understand it never avoid the chance to try something new even if it might seem to a certain extent dangerous or impossible. In a nutshell, changes provide people with the opportunity to know themselves better as well as acquire new skills and priceless experience.
On the other hand, it is beyond doubt that changes do not always lead to success. There are numerous examples in which people pursuing new experiences have lost everything they had before. This is especially common among teenagers who do not value their present posessions and driven by the desire to change their lives completely end up with nothing. This example obviously illustrates the statement that sometimes changes may cause negative effect.
To conclude, I am strongly convinced that we are rational individuals and our lives should be driven rather by reason than immediate instincts. Never should people sacrifice their present lives unless they are completely certain they will only benefit from it.
I know that my essay is too abstract, that's why I've tried to make it "more real" (adding the example with teenagers which, frankly speaking, sounds silly to me ). Anyway, I'm truly interested in your comments and remarks. By the way, it was written in 25 minutes.
Thanks in advance!