Writing Feedback / TOEFL: What do you want for your major? Specific reasons & Examples [3]

I made a instruction on my own in order to practice my writing.

INSTRUCTION : What do you want for you major? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

Handong Global universty has many college courses which I want to major in. Economics is one of them, in fact, the special one. Although I haven't decided my majors yet, the number of which is recommended to be two, I have almost made a decision in one major, economics. Not only useful, economics is very interesting subject to study.

First of all, economics is very logical field compared to other social sciences. This is because many economists are using mathematics in order to develop their economic theory. Before entering university, I thought I will never use my highshool mathematics knowledges such as differentiation. But when I studied economics in my sophomore, the knowledges was very helpful that I could relatively easily focus on the economics itself, while my friends who didn't studied differentiation in highschool were having trouble dealing with mathematics. Mathematics is not a nucleus of economics but a tool of it. This tool, however, makes economics more logical and reasonable subject than any other social sciences.

Another reason I believe economics is exciting subject is that it tries to analyze human's behaviour. Because economics is a subject about human society, it explores how people act when specific situation occurs. For example, in my gametheory class, I had examined various decision making situations such as soccer versus opera, and confession versus not-confession. Unlike another subject, the significant characteristic of economics is that it analyzes human mind with mathematics. Some fields of scholarship such as psychology studies same thing but don't use mathematics that it is less scientific than those use mathematics. Others such as physics use mathematics but it doesn't explore human mind. That is, it is only enonomics that studies human mind with a scientific tool, the mathematics.

For these reasons, I think it is good for me to major in enconomics. It is fine way of studying humans and events occur in their society with mathematical tools. I'm looking forward to returning to the university and studying economics in next spring semester.

I want you to advise me for more desirable or polished form of sentences. Thank you :)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Television has more bad than good in respect of bonds with family and friends [2]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

There are many interesting programs on television which anyone can enjoy at little cost. Compared to other hobbies such as going to theater or going to sports stadium, it is a very cost-effective hobby that gives viewer quiet a few indirect experiences. However, from my point of view, television has more bad than good because it has made people not to have conversation each other.

To begin with, television shows make people forget what is really important. One who has favorite programs tends to be obessed with them when they are on air. Thus, they cannot make appointment or go out with their family or friends at that time since they think the programs are so crucial to their lives. One of my friends, for example, once cancelled an appointment to play basketball with in order to watch the favorite television show "Infinete Challenges". This is not only about basketball, but also about our friendship, which depends on how often we meet and have a chance to talk to each other. That is, watching television alone at home, my friend lost the opportunity to increase cohesion between us.

Moreover, even when people watch television together, there is no chance for them to have conversation in front of television. Watching television program together is not that different from watching same program alone. Thus, it is not good for them to watch television if they want to improve their sense of closeness. To illustrate my point, it is reported that most of people don't converse with their family when they are watching television together. It is natural they behave in that way because television shows don't require any participation.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is detrimental to communication among members in group, family or friends or whatever, to sit in front of television and just stare forward. It is because television not only makes people be obsessed with it but also makes their mouth close.