Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay---No one should be allowed to work after the age of 65(Discussion) [5]

Dear all,

I had attended 4 times IELTS exams,the writing score remained at 5 which is so low.
Please kindly give me some advice ,especially on grammar.
Thank you all in advance.

Deva

topic:some people think that no one should be allowed to work after the age of 65.others say that people should allowed to work for as long as they want.discussion.

Nowadays,an increasing number of people are concerned about work right .Whether people should continued to work after the age of 65 has aroused heated debate.From my perspective,people who come from some special careers should work longer than 65 if they want to.

It is well-known that most of people cannot worked beyond the retired age.This assertion certainly sounds reasonable because society need to keep dynamic and creative through younger individual.what i mean by that is young people have new technology and thought on work such as computer skills.Another reson for this view point lies in the fact yong people are more effective at working under enormouse stress.

Some other people,however,are strongly believe that people can decide retire later than 65 for several reasons:primary,most people living longer,healthier lives,remaining physically fit and mentally alert into their70s and 80s,fixed retirement ages are an anachronism.moreover,allowing people to stay in employment past the current retirement age would also have health benefits for some and provide a boost to the economy.For example,they have existing skills and don't necessarily in the same entry level that younger people are going for.

My own opinion is that both two respects are reasonable and necessary but too one-sided to ignore the reality of society ,which is aimportant factor.So i suggest that people who has ability to use special technology skill should be allowed to work longer than 65.