Joanne123
Jun 9, 2013
Writing Feedback / My dog spoke to me! Essay for a writing contest [2]
Hello everyone. I am preparing this essay to write at my annual writing contest. Please give me feedback ( I don't mind harsh feedback ). I am just an eleven year old. I wrote this without a plan or anything.
My dog spoke to me!
Me and my dog Pip had just come home from the most exhausting trip to the park. I opened my front gate, and was just about to step onto my front lawn when, out of nowhere someone shouted "Stop!". I looked back expecting a police officer holding a gun right up my nose. But instead, all I saw was, basically, nothing. "Excuse me? Anyone there? Don't be afraid to show yourself, I'm not as scary as I look." I looked everywhere, here and there, there and here. But saw nothing. I desperately wanted to know who said that, as you can tell, I am a really curious person and normally let curiosity take over. So I repeated my steps, took a step back and slowly took a step forward. There it was again, "Stop you walking idiot! Can't you see there's poop on the lawn?" This time I was prepared, I quickly turned around and saw Pip standing on her hind legs frowning. My jaw dropped on the floor. "Y-Y-Y-You can...
T-T-Talk?" I stammered, " Yeh, I know, 'wow a talking dog', and let me guess, you've never seen one!" Pip said sarcastically, "kid, if you don't want to get yourself into humiliation, you better turn around and pretend nothing happened, okay?" I was dumbstruck, so I did as she said. Then, ew! I forgot! There was still poop on the floor!
Ever since that day, I never treated her the same. Everyday I would stare at her for a couple of minutes without blinking, waiting for her to talk, but she never did. When I gave her food, I would give it to her and give her a fork, but she never used it. Every time we come back from the park, I would purposely put some poop on the floor, and walk slowly waiting for her to warn me. But she never did. Now I'm starting to doubt the whole 'Dog Talking' thing. But one day I swear it will happen, I swear!
Hello everyone. I am preparing this essay to write at my annual writing contest. Please give me feedback ( I don't mind harsh feedback ). I am just an eleven year old. I wrote this without a plan or anything.
My dog spoke to me!
Me and my dog Pip had just come home from the most exhausting trip to the park. I opened my front gate, and was just about to step onto my front lawn when, out of nowhere someone shouted "Stop!". I looked back expecting a police officer holding a gun right up my nose. But instead, all I saw was, basically, nothing. "Excuse me? Anyone there? Don't be afraid to show yourself, I'm not as scary as I look." I looked everywhere, here and there, there and here. But saw nothing. I desperately wanted to know who said that, as you can tell, I am a really curious person and normally let curiosity take over. So I repeated my steps, took a step back and slowly took a step forward. There it was again, "Stop you walking idiot! Can't you see there's poop on the lawn?" This time I was prepared, I quickly turned around and saw Pip standing on her hind legs frowning. My jaw dropped on the floor. "Y-Y-Y-You can...
T-T-Talk?" I stammered, " Yeh, I know, 'wow a talking dog', and let me guess, you've never seen one!" Pip said sarcastically, "kid, if you don't want to get yourself into humiliation, you better turn around and pretend nothing happened, okay?" I was dumbstruck, so I did as she said. Then, ew! I forgot! There was still poop on the floor!
Ever since that day, I never treated her the same. Everyday I would stare at her for a couple of minutes without blinking, waiting for her to talk, but she never did. When I gave her food, I would give it to her and give her a fork, but she never used it. Every time we come back from the park, I would purposely put some poop on the floor, and walk slowly waiting for her to warn me. But she never did. Now I'm starting to doubt the whole 'Dog Talking' thing. But one day I swear it will happen, I swear!