Writing Feedback / Essay on England's Right to Tax [7]

Hello! Thank you so much for your advise, I made all of the changes you susgested, and rewote my introduction, breaking it into two parahraphs, can you please look over it?

Thank you so much!
Bonnie

Writing Feedback / Essay on England's Right to Tax [7]

Hello, I re-wrote the sentance, fixed the comma error, and wrote my conclusion; however, I do not know if I was clear enough, in my theiss statement being that it was placed at the very end of the second paragraph... is there a way I can make it clear that it is my thesis?

Thank you so much!
Bonnie
here's what it looks like now...

Writing Feedback / Essay on England's Right to Tax [7]

Hello, Sorry to bother you, but I think I am done with my report, and am just going to update here. So yea! if you feel like correcting a bit more, or dropping any hints, It would be more then appreciated, but If I am being a bother, or pest, please do not bother yourself with this, and thank you so very much for your help! It means a ton!

-My essay will be due in 4 hours