Undergraduate / My Hair; Common App Essay (Share Your Story) [5]

The Common App limits us to 650 words -__-

Anyway, this is good stuff, but I sense you could be a little more articulate so I would recommend some inspiration - read "Dreams of my father" by Barack Obama. A lot of talk there about his skin color and his biracial identity.

Undergraduate / Conquering a Vacuum ; Common App Failure Essay [4]

You have definitely confused the tenses in this essay. Reread your second paragraph, pick a tense, and stick to it. Yes, the present tense is exciting and more "in the now" but it can get confusing as well and it certainly has confused you. Also, the CommonApp essay isn't room to show off your capabilities of using pretentious vocabulary if you end up being redundant. "My mother had chosen me to take on the task of fixing the family vacuum cleaner. I have absolutely no prior experience in dealing with the insurgences of common household appliances, so I was very much surprised when my mom came to me to fix her beloved but regrettably anarchistic vacuum. ". Unnecessary repetition of the same information.

Hope that helps! Just let it flow when you write your second draft. I'd recommend doing so during a stormy day, fully alert and concentrated on the essay, choosing each next word deliberately and rereading to make sure everything makes sense.

Undergraduate / Yes...... I won another medal; UNC Common App Essay - failure [7]

You clearly do not know how to use punctuation. Please revise how to use semi-colons, in particular.

Undergraduate / Fatal Melancholy of Winter: Common App Essay [5]

I have a problem with the entire essay. It is obvious you are trying to get us to pity you rather than answering the question enough. I just can't see HOW you made your transition from childhood to adulthood. There are no details of what you did, how you helped your family. A lot of the description is useless as well and I recommend you use the limited number of words you have to show HOW that event changed you.

Undergraduate / MOST MEMORABLE SUMMER; SEWANEE- contact with Sewanee? [8]

You have not understood the question.

"How have you been in contact with Sewanee?" It's not asking why you find Sewanee an appealing institution. It's asking how you've been in contact with the institution (email, phone, visits).