harry52
Sep 14, 2013
Writing Feedback / GRE ARGUE: A "Palean" Basket Was Discovered in Lithos [2]
Prompt:
Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
My Answer:
In the above statement, the author argues that the discoveries in the Palea and Lithos have shown that the "Palean" baskets were not solely Palean. The argument appears to be plausible at first glance. However, if one looks closely enough, it is easy to see that the author makes several unsubstantiated assumptions and therefore he needs to present more evidence to make it more persuasive.
To begin with, there is absolutely no evidence provided that the Brim River was so deep and broad as it is now. Rivers, generally, can become deeper and broader because of erosion at the river bottom as time passes. Thus, the Brim River, at that time, might be narrower and shallower than the current one or did not even exist, and so the Paleans could readily wade across the river or walk on the ground which became the river later, and bring their woven baskets to Lithos.
In addition, the author does not take into account the possibility of the Lithos people going across the Brim River with their own boats. The writer's conclusion is based entirely on the uncorroborated assumption that the only way for the Paleans to deliver the woven baskets to Lithos was to cross the river by their boats. However, the Lithos people might have made their boats, come across the river, and bring back the woven baskets to their village. At least, the author should provide evidence that there is no Lithos boat found as well as Palean boat.
Last but not least, the fact that no Palean boats have been found yet does not corroborate the author's conclusion that the "Palean" baskets were not uniquely Palean. Even if there have been no Palean boats found up to date, it is possible that an archeologist find a piece of broken Palean boat tommorow. Boats usually are made of wood or metal and so easily decayed or corroded after a long time, which makes them fragile. It is likely that Palean boats might have been broken into pieces by physical force or chemical reaction and swept away by the Brim River.
Overall, the writer's argument is far from convincing enough to draw his conclusion. The argument could have been bolstered with additional information related to the geological transition of Brim River, the existence of Lithos boats, and the possibility of new discovery of Palean boats.
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I am a foreign student, so my English writing is not very good.
Could you give me some feedback, please?
Prompt:
Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
My Answer:
In the above statement, the author argues that the discoveries in the Palea and Lithos have shown that the "Palean" baskets were not solely Palean. The argument appears to be plausible at first glance. However, if one looks closely enough, it is easy to see that the author makes several unsubstantiated assumptions and therefore he needs to present more evidence to make it more persuasive.
To begin with, there is absolutely no evidence provided that the Brim River was so deep and broad as it is now. Rivers, generally, can become deeper and broader because of erosion at the river bottom as time passes. Thus, the Brim River, at that time, might be narrower and shallower than the current one or did not even exist, and so the Paleans could readily wade across the river or walk on the ground which became the river later, and bring their woven baskets to Lithos.
In addition, the author does not take into account the possibility of the Lithos people going across the Brim River with their own boats. The writer's conclusion is based entirely on the uncorroborated assumption that the only way for the Paleans to deliver the woven baskets to Lithos was to cross the river by their boats. However, the Lithos people might have made their boats, come across the river, and bring back the woven baskets to their village. At least, the author should provide evidence that there is no Lithos boat found as well as Palean boat.
Last but not least, the fact that no Palean boats have been found yet does not corroborate the author's conclusion that the "Palean" baskets were not uniquely Palean. Even if there have been no Palean boats found up to date, it is possible that an archeologist find a piece of broken Palean boat tommorow. Boats usually are made of wood or metal and so easily decayed or corroded after a long time, which makes them fragile. It is likely that Palean boats might have been broken into pieces by physical force or chemical reaction and swept away by the Brim River.
Overall, the writer's argument is far from convincing enough to draw his conclusion. The argument could have been bolstered with additional information related to the geological transition of Brim River, the existence of Lithos boats, and the possibility of new discovery of Palean boats.
--
I am a foreign student, so my English writing is not very good.
Could you give me some feedback, please?