contigo
Oct 17, 2013
Writing Feedback / Negative effects of small vehicles; Persuasive Essay [2]
Hi, I have written this persuasive essay for my English class on technology (I chose to use small vehicles as my main point). I would like to get some feedback mostly on the strength of the supporting evidence and essay itself and grammar. Thanks alot!
What would be the first thing an immigrant would notice about Toronto? There is no doubt that they would notice how wealthy the city is with the amount of factories, businesses, houses, streetlights. Although Canada is an expensive place to live, Toronto takes the number one spot as being the most expensive city. Immigrants will also notice how crowded this city is, which is why there are many traffic jams throughout the city. Some days the Toronto sky is beautiful and blue, while other days it is nothing but a blanket of smog that has deemed difficult to breathe in. Something needs to be done to lessen congestion, global warming and prices. Creating more public transportation systems and restricting small vehicle use will lead to an improved lifestyle by decreasing pollution, traffic problems and reduction in prices.
In ancient time, walking or riding animals was the only form of transportation. As time went on, bicycles were invented. Technological advances allowed us to then create cars, trucks, trains and planes. Although streets were crowded before the invention of automobiles, it is the amount of cars leaving and entering lots that has caused major congestion in big cities such as Toronto. Traffic congestion negatively affects personal life, careers, and even safety which has resulted in increasing accidents, loss of business, jobs and other personal losses. The idling of cars also affects the environment as there is an over-production of exhaust gases entering the atmosphere, adding to global warming due to the slow-moving traffic associated with traffic jams. If more transportation systems were created, commuters taking mass transit can expect a faster and more relaxing experience.
One thing most people agree on is how efficient small vehicles have become, without realizing that automobiles is the leading cause of global warming. The excessive amount of carbon dioxide released into the atmosphere is posing a threat to the environment as animals and crops prematurely extinct and with the population growing at an alarming rate, soon resources will run out because of these harmful emissions. Movies has a large role in advertising vehicles that have proven to be quite tempting to the modern society. For example, after the movie 'Fast and the Furious', there was a 55% increase in car sales that year. The high demand for cars is increasing fossil fuel production as the factories are emitting harmful gases into the environment that is threatening the longevity of Earth and mankind. The over-production in fossil fuels to power cars is significantly depleting the ozone layer and spiking cancer rates. Majority of Toronto commutes through small vehicles, and it is the over population of these vehicles that releases the most exhaust gases, whereas new public transportations systems such as light rail trains produces 99 percent less harmful emissions than one vehicle does. Therefore, efforts to reduce pollution from automobile engines by creating more light rail trains will eliminate serious air pollution problems.
Traveling by a small vehicle can put a dent in the wallet with the cost of gas, parking, maintenance, car and insurance payments being expensive. For example, in 2010, residents who fell under low to middle class income categories spent 72 percent of their income on housing and transportation. Energy costs is also a trending topic that is associated with high living expenses as factories in Toronto take up a large amount of energy used to create fossil fuels and to manufacture the high number of cars. The citizens of the city are the ones to pay for these high energy costs. By establishing a more frequent public transportation system, citizens would use busses or trains instead of small cars to commute. Therefore, the cost of living would be much cheaper in Toronto as the prices of energy would be reduced if more public transit was enforced.
In conclusion, the government should consider implementing more public transportation initiatives in an effort to reduce the impact of small vehicles with pollution deteriorating the environment, traffic jams creating losses for citizens and a decrease financial markets as people cannot pay for housing and living expenses other than the high cost of using and owning a small vehicle.
Hi, I have written this persuasive essay for my English class on technology (I chose to use small vehicles as my main point). I would like to get some feedback mostly on the strength of the supporting evidence and essay itself and grammar. Thanks alot!
What would be the first thing an immigrant would notice about Toronto? There is no doubt that they would notice how wealthy the city is with the amount of factories, businesses, houses, streetlights. Although Canada is an expensive place to live, Toronto takes the number one spot as being the most expensive city. Immigrants will also notice how crowded this city is, which is why there are many traffic jams throughout the city. Some days the Toronto sky is beautiful and blue, while other days it is nothing but a blanket of smog that has deemed difficult to breathe in. Something needs to be done to lessen congestion, global warming and prices. Creating more public transportation systems and restricting small vehicle use will lead to an improved lifestyle by decreasing pollution, traffic problems and reduction in prices.
In ancient time, walking or riding animals was the only form of transportation. As time went on, bicycles were invented. Technological advances allowed us to then create cars, trucks, trains and planes. Although streets were crowded before the invention of automobiles, it is the amount of cars leaving and entering lots that has caused major congestion in big cities such as Toronto. Traffic congestion negatively affects personal life, careers, and even safety which has resulted in increasing accidents, loss of business, jobs and other personal losses. The idling of cars also affects the environment as there is an over-production of exhaust gases entering the atmosphere, adding to global warming due to the slow-moving traffic associated with traffic jams. If more transportation systems were created, commuters taking mass transit can expect a faster and more relaxing experience.
One thing most people agree on is how efficient small vehicles have become, without realizing that automobiles is the leading cause of global warming. The excessive amount of carbon dioxide released into the atmosphere is posing a threat to the environment as animals and crops prematurely extinct and with the population growing at an alarming rate, soon resources will run out because of these harmful emissions. Movies has a large role in advertising vehicles that have proven to be quite tempting to the modern society. For example, after the movie 'Fast and the Furious', there was a 55% increase in car sales that year. The high demand for cars is increasing fossil fuel production as the factories are emitting harmful gases into the environment that is threatening the longevity of Earth and mankind. The over-production in fossil fuels to power cars is significantly depleting the ozone layer and spiking cancer rates. Majority of Toronto commutes through small vehicles, and it is the over population of these vehicles that releases the most exhaust gases, whereas new public transportations systems such as light rail trains produces 99 percent less harmful emissions than one vehicle does. Therefore, efforts to reduce pollution from automobile engines by creating more light rail trains will eliminate serious air pollution problems.
Traveling by a small vehicle can put a dent in the wallet with the cost of gas, parking, maintenance, car and insurance payments being expensive. For example, in 2010, residents who fell under low to middle class income categories spent 72 percent of their income on housing and transportation. Energy costs is also a trending topic that is associated with high living expenses as factories in Toronto take up a large amount of energy used to create fossil fuels and to manufacture the high number of cars. The citizens of the city are the ones to pay for these high energy costs. By establishing a more frequent public transportation system, citizens would use busses or trains instead of small cars to commute. Therefore, the cost of living would be much cheaper in Toronto as the prices of energy would be reduced if more public transit was enforced.
In conclusion, the government should consider implementing more public transportation initiatives in an effort to reduce the impact of small vehicles with pollution deteriorating the environment, traffic jams creating losses for citizens and a decrease financial markets as people cannot pay for housing and living expenses other than the high cost of using and owning a small vehicle.