Posts by cloudw

cloudw_tcher

Oct 22, 2013

Undergraduate / Failure taught me how to succeed; " A time when you have experienced failure" [3]

As the commenter above, I also checked how many words you used. I would definitely try to use the limit to your advantage. And by that I mean you should add as much as you can. Overall, this is a good essay. It's interesting and tells a story, I feel like I am you. Although, it is a little easier for me to relate because I dance. But I digress. Since you do have so much more room, 'd be good to add more about what you learned. Colleges want to see that you have improved, and that you have the capacity to improve further. I believe that this essay is meant to express that. I like the lessons that you have already, but you could go into more depth about accomplishments that you have made in the competition cheer squad. Just a suggestion though.

Oh and a little grammar mistake:

Although the feeling wasn't quite the same, It was still exhilaration

"Although the feeling wasn't quite the same, it was still exhilarating..."

Also there was this statement:

which now create the building blocks of the decisions that I make throughout my college experience.

It makes it seem like you're already in college. So instead it would be "which created the building blocks... that I will make..." or something to that effect.

If you could check my essay, that would be great. I hoped I helped though and good luck!

cloudw_tcher

Oct 22, 2013

Undergraduate / The Princess Problem / Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea [3]

Ha, I love your title and the idea of conforming to society.

The only issue I see is with this statement:

Our school is split between those desperately struggling to fit in, and those who strive to obtain unconditional uniqueness. As is the nature of high school, these students were quarantined on the bus ramp

It is unclear. Who are the BRKs? Are they the ones trying to fit in? I had to infer that they were the ones being unique, yet I am still unsure. Also, how are they discriminated against? What is the stereotype?

I think that if you answer these questions you'll have a much stronger and clearer essay.

Hoped I helped and good luck~!

cloudw_tcher

Oct 22, 2013

Undergraduate / Decisions are the bane of my existence; William & Mary - Unique & Colorful [2]

Prompt: Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extracurricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful? We know nobody fits neatly into 500 words or less, but you can provide us with some suggestion of the type of person you are. Anything goes! Inspire us, impress us, or just make us laugh. Think of this optional opportunity as show and tell by proxy and with an attitude. (are they saying that i can be sassy...?)

Anyways here's my essay. I appreciate any and all comments, suggestions, complaints, etc.

Decisions are the bane of my existence. They are also why I exist. Decisions were made that allowed me to come into this world. Whether if that was a wise decision or not, who knows? Nonetheless, decisions tear my brain apart and form a chasm between my thoughts that ignites a civil war inside my skull.

I have an open mind. I like to visualize different perspectives as I sit by the car window, watching everyone move about their daily lives. Though this means that I have a lot of thoughts. These thoughts often conflict. At the Cheesecake Factory I mull over whether I should get a Mexican-themed cheeseburger or jambalaya. I do so love the thick flavors of jambalaya, yet I am in the mood for something with avocado - the succulent butter of life. At home I try to decide which activity to do first. Do I write blogs or do I finish up artwork for birthdays? Birthdays are important, yet the world is counting on me to publish some food for thought. When I think about my future I plan on the places that I would go and the death-defying acts I would like to do. To go skydiving with a stuffed, bionic rabbit named Seb or to cross the walk of faith 4,960 feet in the air while also sightseeing in China? Alas there are too many options, choosing becomes anxiety-inducing. There is not enough time in this world to satisfy all my wants and yearnings.

These questions of choice seem frivolous, but decision making plays a much larger part in life. They dictate your actions, your consequences, and your future. So how does one go about this? This decision making? I wouldn't call myself an expert, but I do know a bit about what to do when in a decision crisis. I sit down and I cry. No, that never helps. What I do is I create a list of pros and cons. When in a tight situation I must do this quickly. I list them out, often thinking out loud. I generally put more weight on the cons than the pros, for cons make a bigger difference. If you choose something bad, people notice it more. If you choose something good, you get a tiny bit of recognition. I often use this system to set my priorities. I also ask for a plethora of opinions, because pleasing as many people as possible is usually good. This, I believe, can make me a good leader. It can make me a good student, it can make me a good sister, it can make me a good daughter, and it can make me a good friend to all.

Life is about decisions. Very carefully and well thought out decisions. Making the wrong one could lead to certain death. Making the right one could lead to glory. Now for the ultimate decision: Do I send in this essay? Or one of my other ones?

Thank you~!