tasfia_sultana
Dec 3, 2013
Writing Feedback / "Never Lose Hope" - Narrative/Descriptive Essay [2]
Type of Essay: Narrative/descriptive
What is a Narrative Essay? It is an essay that tells a story about a specific event or experience. Narratives have a point and the narrative (story) is used to convey the point.
Assignment: Write a narrative essay, about a negative event/experience that occurred in your life and how it turned into a positive effect. Make sure to use transitional phases to help the reader follow the sequence of actions. You must also have a theme/moral to the story.
Length: 3 Paragraphs
Narrative Outline:
I. Intro
A. Lead-in: Background information that sets the tone and draws the reader in
B. Tie-in: A sentence that connects the lead-in with the thesis statement
C. Thesis: Sentence which states why this experience was so important and/or memorable.
II. Body
A. Details about the beginning of the event/experience. Make sure to use specific supporting ideas, sensory details, and/or examples.
B. Details about what occurred during the event or experience. Make sure to use specific supporting ideas, sensory details, and/or examples.
C. Details about what happened in the final stage of the event or personal experience
III. Conclusion
A. Reiterate: Rephrase the thesis.
B. Review: Summarize your main supporting ideas.
C. Reflect: Indicates the significance of the experience.
D. Wrap-Up: Leaves the reader with a deep and powerful last thought.
NOTE: Each paragraph should focus on one specific aspect of the event or personal experience instead of skimming over a series of events
1) Are there any grammar mistakes? Spelling? Punctuation?
2) Is my title okay? I couldn't really think of one, so I just put "Never Lose Hope" which is the theme/moral of my experience. But at the same time, I'm looking for a more fancy and short one. Please let me know!
3) Is my thesis, introduction, and conclusion okay? Is the length appropriate?
4) Is there anything that I need to make more descriptive or put more details?
Critique as always please! Thank you & enjoy reading this narrative essay! (: -Tasfia
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I. Introduction
A. Lead in: Last week, I saved up some money that I earned while doing home chores (dishwashing, taking out the trash, laundry, etc.) and reserved it in my wallet. I then decided that, I'm going to spend my money on a vivid and comfortable top when I go to the mall on Sunday.
B. Tie-in: In the beginning of this event, I felt very exhilarated and curious to observe the various types of tops at the shopping center. I felt anticipation and was proud to finally buy something with my own money that I earned myself with hard work as well.
C. Thesis: This occurrence was very unforgettable to me because, I learned a very important lesson at the end of my stressful situation that happened during the middle of my experience which is to never lose hope.
II. Body
A. Beginning: On that Sunday night, I was feeling extremely excited to go to Macy's in the Ocean County Mall with my family. I was desperate to search the lanes in the Girl's Clothing section! As we were walking to the entrance, I opened my wallet and, counted my money. It all totaled up to forty dollars. My parents made a deal with my sisters and I before we came to the mall. They explained how we can buy whatever we want but with our own saved up money only. If it's too expensive, then we won't be able to purchase it. When we went inside, my parents informed us to go search for the item(s) that we were interested to buy. We all went in different directions at the same time, as I immediately headed to the Girl's clothing section.
B. Middle: Then, I paused, and stopped walking. There were plethora of clothes such as crop tops, bustiers, blouses, sweaters, sweatshirts, etc! I can just imagine myself probably having a big smile on face, when I arrived. Luckily, there was a dressing room, a few feet away. All I did was bring a bundle of clothes in my miniature arms, and try them on one by one. After twenty minutes, I finally found the one I was looking for. It was a gorgeous blue, red, and beige chevron print top. Its texture was remarkable, it felt like it was made with silky fabric. It felt good, and seemed like it would be extremely comfortable to wear. I looked at the price, and that's when my jaw dropped. The price was $70. I then thought, maybe if I showed it to my mom and dad, beseech a little, she would give me an extra $30 to buy it. It didn't work, all my parents would say is "a deal is a deal. You have to find something else."
C. Ending: At that time, I felt completely hopeless and felt like I was going to die. I really loved that top. It was perfect for me, the colors, the fabric, everything. After a short time, I decided to forget about the situation, and put the top back in it's appropriate place. I once again was on the search for another top, and felt like I was becoming more stressed and couldn't find one that I liked, or one that looked best on me. I spent over a half an hour looking for a top. I was extremely tired, and decided to just give up. I then, went to my mom with a glum look and informed her that I didn't want to purchase anything. My sisters and parents already bought the things they wanted, and I'm the only one standing empty-handed which made me feel worse. My mom looked worried, and decided to head to the Girl's Clothing area with me. She told me to calm down, and that we have plenty of time. In the meantime, my mom and I picked some tops for me to try on in the dressing room. Afterwards, I screamed with excitement, and found the same exact chevron top but with different colors, and thankfully it was on sale! I felt like the happiest girl in the world, and checked the price to see if it's affordable with the amount of money I have. Gladly, it was only $15.00 which will leave me with extra remaining money when I acquire it. At last, I purchased my item, hugged my mom, and thanked her gleefully.
III. Conclusion
A. Reiterate: This event was very memorable to me because I enlightened a very consequential lesson at the closing of my nerve-wracking circumstance.
B. Review: I really cherished the first chevron top, but I realized it was costly and I couldn't afford it with the amount of money I owned. It led me to anxiety, and I wasn't able find anything else to purchase. I gave up hope, and decided to not buy anything. My mom explained how I need to calm down, and await for the one that's just right.
C. Reflect: This experience was very significant, for the reason that I realize how much I panicked on how I wasn't going to be able to find the right top. The moment when my mom told me to calm down, I became determined which led me to come across a top that was on sale, and was one that looked comparable to my first favorite choice moments later. This moment suddenly gave me liberation.
D. Wrap-Up: You have to hope in everything you do. Hope is the key to everything, even you become a failure at many attempts, you must keep hoping, never lose hope, and never stop. This will lead you to succeed one day.
Type of Essay: Narrative/descriptive
What is a Narrative Essay? It is an essay that tells a story about a specific event or experience. Narratives have a point and the narrative (story) is used to convey the point.
Assignment: Write a narrative essay, about a negative event/experience that occurred in your life and how it turned into a positive effect. Make sure to use transitional phases to help the reader follow the sequence of actions. You must also have a theme/moral to the story.
Length: 3 Paragraphs
Narrative Outline:
I. Intro
A. Lead-in: Background information that sets the tone and draws the reader in
B. Tie-in: A sentence that connects the lead-in with the thesis statement
C. Thesis: Sentence which states why this experience was so important and/or memorable.
II. Body
A. Details about the beginning of the event/experience. Make sure to use specific supporting ideas, sensory details, and/or examples.
B. Details about what occurred during the event or experience. Make sure to use specific supporting ideas, sensory details, and/or examples.
C. Details about what happened in the final stage of the event or personal experience
III. Conclusion
A. Reiterate: Rephrase the thesis.
B. Review: Summarize your main supporting ideas.
C. Reflect: Indicates the significance of the experience.
D. Wrap-Up: Leaves the reader with a deep and powerful last thought.
NOTE: Each paragraph should focus on one specific aspect of the event or personal experience instead of skimming over a series of events
1) Are there any grammar mistakes? Spelling? Punctuation?
2) Is my title okay? I couldn't really think of one, so I just put "Never Lose Hope" which is the theme/moral of my experience. But at the same time, I'm looking for a more fancy and short one. Please let me know!
3) Is my thesis, introduction, and conclusion okay? Is the length appropriate?
4) Is there anything that I need to make more descriptive or put more details?
Critique as always please! Thank you & enjoy reading this narrative essay! (: -Tasfia
----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------
I. Introduction
A. Lead in: Last week, I saved up some money that I earned while doing home chores (dishwashing, taking out the trash, laundry, etc.) and reserved it in my wallet. I then decided that, I'm going to spend my money on a vivid and comfortable top when I go to the mall on Sunday.
B. Tie-in: In the beginning of this event, I felt very exhilarated and curious to observe the various types of tops at the shopping center. I felt anticipation and was proud to finally buy something with my own money that I earned myself with hard work as well.
C. Thesis: This occurrence was very unforgettable to me because, I learned a very important lesson at the end of my stressful situation that happened during the middle of my experience which is to never lose hope.
II. Body
A. Beginning: On that Sunday night, I was feeling extremely excited to go to Macy's in the Ocean County Mall with my family. I was desperate to search the lanes in the Girl's Clothing section! As we were walking to the entrance, I opened my wallet and, counted my money. It all totaled up to forty dollars. My parents made a deal with my sisters and I before we came to the mall. They explained how we can buy whatever we want but with our own saved up money only. If it's too expensive, then we won't be able to purchase it. When we went inside, my parents informed us to go search for the item(s) that we were interested to buy. We all went in different directions at the same time, as I immediately headed to the Girl's clothing section.
B. Middle: Then, I paused, and stopped walking. There were plethora of clothes such as crop tops, bustiers, blouses, sweaters, sweatshirts, etc! I can just imagine myself probably having a big smile on face, when I arrived. Luckily, there was a dressing room, a few feet away. All I did was bring a bundle of clothes in my miniature arms, and try them on one by one. After twenty minutes, I finally found the one I was looking for. It was a gorgeous blue, red, and beige chevron print top. Its texture was remarkable, it felt like it was made with silky fabric. It felt good, and seemed like it would be extremely comfortable to wear. I looked at the price, and that's when my jaw dropped. The price was $70. I then thought, maybe if I showed it to my mom and dad, beseech a little, she would give me an extra $30 to buy it. It didn't work, all my parents would say is "a deal is a deal. You have to find something else."
C. Ending: At that time, I felt completely hopeless and felt like I was going to die. I really loved that top. It was perfect for me, the colors, the fabric, everything. After a short time, I decided to forget about the situation, and put the top back in it's appropriate place. I once again was on the search for another top, and felt like I was becoming more stressed and couldn't find one that I liked, or one that looked best on me. I spent over a half an hour looking for a top. I was extremely tired, and decided to just give up. I then, went to my mom with a glum look and informed her that I didn't want to purchase anything. My sisters and parents already bought the things they wanted, and I'm the only one standing empty-handed which made me feel worse. My mom looked worried, and decided to head to the Girl's Clothing area with me. She told me to calm down, and that we have plenty of time. In the meantime, my mom and I picked some tops for me to try on in the dressing room. Afterwards, I screamed with excitement, and found the same exact chevron top but with different colors, and thankfully it was on sale! I felt like the happiest girl in the world, and checked the price to see if it's affordable with the amount of money I have. Gladly, it was only $15.00 which will leave me with extra remaining money when I acquire it. At last, I purchased my item, hugged my mom, and thanked her gleefully.
III. Conclusion
A. Reiterate: This event was very memorable to me because I enlightened a very consequential lesson at the closing of my nerve-wracking circumstance.
B. Review: I really cherished the first chevron top, but I realized it was costly and I couldn't afford it with the amount of money I owned. It led me to anxiety, and I wasn't able find anything else to purchase. I gave up hope, and decided to not buy anything. My mom explained how I need to calm down, and await for the one that's just right.
C. Reflect: This experience was very significant, for the reason that I realize how much I panicked on how I wasn't going to be able to find the right top. The moment when my mom told me to calm down, I became determined which led me to come across a top that was on sale, and was one that looked comparable to my first favorite choice moments later. This moment suddenly gave me liberation.
D. Wrap-Up: You have to hope in everything you do. Hope is the key to everything, even you become a failure at many attempts, you must keep hoping, never lose hope, and never stop. This will lead you to succeed one day.