Undergraduate / Palazzio Vecchio - Carnegie Mellon Supplement [12]

I do like your essay but it only totals about 253 words and with the limit being 500 I would suggest you add some more content to it. Just make sure that anything you add is actually important, admissions counselors don't want to be reading a bunch of fluff.

Grammar, Usage / Grammatical errors in this sentence [15]

I think it should be 'the vicissitudes'
Also, remember that the sentence should make sense if you remove commas surrounding the dependent clause.
It looks grammatically correct but it doesn't seem to flow very well. I would maybe try wording it slightly differently.

Hope this helps and sorry if it doesn't.